Nunquam Perficio
by Blonde CiCi
Summary: Harry and Hermione are married, but he drinks too much and shes starting to get pissed. Silly story about HrD, a whole lot of booze, an army of lesbians, and some other sillyness along the way. R&R!
1. Happily Ever After is Not Today

Disclaimer: None of this is mine…sadly…all J.K. Rowling's…except the plot and perhaps some random characters I might add in.

A/N: I love reviews please please review! This is my first fanfic posted though and I'm nervous. O well all flames are good for BBQing so if you intend to insult me it will only amuse me. Much love!

**Chapter 1 – Happily Ever After…is Apparently not Today**

Hermione sat at her kitchen table gazing out the window. She was oblivious to everything out there however, because she was caught up in her own head. What had happened? Voldemort had been defeated three years ago and the Ministry had been restored to people with at least moderate intelligence. She sighed deeply and looked at the dregs of tea in her cup. She wasn't unhappy, no, how could Hermione, the world renown witch, married to Harry Potter, living the easy life with no job and no responsibilities be unhappy?

"Miss want some more tea?" said a squeaky voice from somewhere near her elbow.

"Oh!" said Hermione startled from her reverie. "No, no. I'm fine I can get everything for myself as I constantly tell you. Go do something that interests you Neeby." She said exasperatedly.

"Neeby likes to clean though Misses. That's what house elves is for!" the little thing chirped.

Hermione was generally patient with her house elves trying to teach them to be independent and find hobbies but today was not one of her more patient days. Admittedly the squeaky little voice was actually grating on her nerves and her ever present headache.

"Fine, fine. If you must, go clean up the mess I'm sure Harry made last night."

Hermione hadn't checked his 'study' yet but was sure it was littered with empty booze bottles and pieces of any hapless objects that got in the way of his rampage. She hadn't been awake when he came in to bed or awake before he left but she wouldn't have asked him anyways. There was no point, she knew the answer and a confrontation would only ensue a fight. The tiny elf looked abashed and her big brown eyes looked at the floor.

"Neeby hears Master last night Misses. He is very loud and scares poor Wibble when he is throwing around the last good china we have Miss. Would Miss like Neeby to order some more too?"

Hermione sighed again, even more deeply. She doubted Harry would miss any money from their vault but this was just another complication to add to the list. At least looking at a catalogue would occupy her mind for a bit.

"No Neeby, thank you though. I will do it. I might as well go into Diagon Alley today, it seems we have a bunch of broken things that needs replacing. What is the good of magic if you can't replace '_Reparo_' the items you buy from wizard's shops. It's all a money scam I'm sure and it seems to be working well with this…family."

She had almost stumbled over the word 'family' as it seemed more like she was alone in this pairing. If at least she had a child to occupy her time, but Harry hadn't come near her since they were married. Not a kiss… Her thoughts trailed off as she tried to hold off tears. What had happened to the independent, obstinate Hermione she remembered from school years. The one who had fought through the war, fixed injuries and saw people dying around her without shedding a tear. It all seemed like a hazy dream that had nothing to do with her current reality.

"I guess I will owl Ginny and see if she'll join me if she's not too busy at the Ministry…" she trailed off realizing Neeby had long since left and she was talking to herself in an empty kitchen. "Typical…" she muttered.

Hermione exited the kitchen passing the study where she heard the pitter patter of tiny feet cleaning and smelt the unmistakable smell of spilt vodka that she had grown ever more accustomed to. She tried to ignore it and continued upstairs to the room next to hers to find Cleo, the owl Ginny had given her for her previous birthday. The room itself almost brought Hermione to her knees. When they were picking out houses she had wanted one with a bunch of rooms for all the children she planned to have in their fairytale little house, with her perfect husband and perfect little children. Immediately when they had first entered this room when they were looking at houses Hermione had been mentally picking out colour schemes and deciding where to put the crib and rocking chair. The room had a balcony with huge double doors so she could gaze out at the water as she rocked her child to sleep. She shuddered and walked swiftly to the balcony where Cleo was perched haughtily on the railing. As soon as she saw Hermione however she immediately flapped over to sit on her outstretched arm.

Hermione set her gently on the desk inside the room and rummaged around for a quill and some parchment. She quickly scribbled a little note to Ginny and tied it around Cleo's ankle.

"Send this to Ginny please Cleo." She patted the owl affectionately then strode out of the room as Cleo took out the open doors.

Hermione quickly pulled on some random robes from her closet and started brushing her teeth. Her hair was unruly and there were dark circles under her eyes. She looked on the outside exactly as she felt on the inside. She gave it up as a bad job and turned away from the mirror. She supposed she could have done some spells to make her appearance better but what was the point? She had no one to impress, she doubted her husband would notice the difference, and doubted even more she would see him tonight.

She scooped up her wand from off of her dresser and threw it into her purse along with an assortment of galleons and sickles she had stashed in a floorboard in their room, much like Harry's old hiding spot at his Aunt and Uncle's place. Cleo flew into the room through and open window and landed on her bedpost hooting softly. Hermione untied the letter from her leg and told her to head to the kitchen for a snack before promptly perching on her bed to read Ginny's practically illegible scrawl.

_Hey Hermione darling!_

_I'm so sorry but things are hectic here at the Ministry today, there's a trial for Nott and as one of the Auror's who captured him I have to testify today. So sorry hun, can I take a rain check? Maybe we can meet up for lunch this weekend. Floo over to the Burrow tomorrow night and we'll talk it out. Send my love to Harry._

_Toodles,_

Gin 

"Ah, o well. I'm a big girl I'm sure I can handle a shopping trip myself." Hermione chuckled and tossed the used parchment into the fire.

She ran down the flight of stairs and poked her head into Harry's study when she didn't hear any movement. She found three little house elves apparently passed out from the alcohol fumes on the ground. She quickly preformed '_Evanesco_' on them and nodded hurriedly at their squeaky words of thanks. She hurried out of the room nauseated by the smell, not the alcohol part, she didn't mind a nice cocktail every once in a while, but the emotions that came with the overpowering scent. She walked into their living room and grappled around on the huge fireplace mantel until her fingers touched a pot and she pulled it down. Tossing some of the dust from the pot into the flames she restored the pot to it's place, climbed into the fireplace and clearly enunciated "Diagon Alley".

Even though she was accustomed to the spinning sick feeling she still fell out of the fireplace in a fluster and banged into someone on the other side.

"What the –" exclaimed a familiar voice.

"Oh! I'm sor…" her voice tapered off as she recognized the person she had bumped into.

Recognition flashed across the face in front of her and the gray eyes peered at her inquisitively. Hermione flushed under their piercing gaze.

"Granger. I should have known you always were somewhat of a klutz. It's a surprise to see you here. I wondered why no one had seen you in forever, I figured you were dead. Ooo, but you're not Granger anymore are you? You're a Potter now from what I hear. I'm sad to say I must have missed my invitation while I was in Azkaban under false charges."

The voice came from Hermione's ex-nemesis Draco Malfoy. After he had reformed his Death Eater ways and became a spy for the Order she had rarely seen him but knew him and Harry were on friendly terms. It registered for a minute that he had implied he had been wondering about her but she dismissed that idea as thinking he probably used it as a figure of speech. As these thoughts passed through her mind he was still looking at her intently and also gripping her elbow. She finally noticed that at least and extricated her arm from his grasp.

"Nice to see you too Malfoy." She said coolly and registered his slight flinch of the use of his surname before his emotions were closed to her again.

She continued on feeling unrepentant due to her sour mood, "I am here doing some shopping to replace some things that have…er…been damaged accidentally…" she trailed off at his curious look and fumbled for an excuse, "Like you said, I'm quite the klutz…" she trailed off again knowing she hadn't fooled him for a moment.

"Yes, I'm sure Potter's habit of inhaling enough alcohol a night to make a 70's rock band proud has nothing to do with that of course." He said smoothly.

Hermione made a mental effort not to gasp. Did everyone in the wizarding world know about this?

"Not that this is any of my business I'm sure but-" he started

"You took the words right out of my mouth Malfoy, now I must be going." She snapped haughtily.

"Well, I see Mrs. Potter has the same temper as her husband now. However, don't worry your 'secret' is safe with me. I just happen to know much about it since Harry and I have established a sort of friendship over the years, enough at least for me to notice he is constantly drunk out of his tree. Don't worry everyone else still thinks he is the Golden Boy of the century. Now, since you are obviously busy I will let you get back to whatever it was you were going to do, buy new crockery, or furniture, although I would say it seems like a hefty task for you to be doing by yourself."

With that he turned on his heel and seemed to be fully immersed in a display of dress robes immediately. Hermione felt very dismissed and took a step backwards from shock. It was true she did probably need help carrying things and she had been extremely lonely lately. She warred with herself for a couple minutes as she took her time slowly walking to the door.

Finally, she turned and snapped angrily, more at herself than him, "Fine, do you want to come shopping with me Malfoy?" she spat out, practically spraying him with spittle even from the opposite side of the room.

"Well," he wiped his face off in a posh manner, "since you asked me _so_ nicely, I don't see how I could politely refuse."

Hermione flushed again struck by the truth behind his words and feeling very immature. She had always prided herself in remaining more composed than him. Except, perhaps, for the time she had hit him across he face, but he had deserved that. Draco strode imperiously over to the door where she stood and gallantly offered her his arm which she took warily.

'Well then…where to first?" he asked.

* * *

A/N: Yay, first chapter up, I know it's kind of boring at first but it gets much better. Next chapter you learn more about the war and see Harry's perspective! Maybe a little Draco perspective too we'll see how it goes. Review please please please!

Much Love!

CiCi 3


	2. Guilty Conscience

Disclaimer: Once again, not mine cries . Anyways…only the plot and characters not known by all you Harry Potter fans are mine.

A/N: Well, so far I seem to have a bunch of hits but no reviews how sad:( I would really like to know what people think as I continue on or if it's even worth continuing on. Ah well, for now I will plunge ahead. On today's menu: Harry's point of view!

**Chapter 2 – Guilty Concience**

The day was pleasant enough but Harry barely noticed it in his half-drunken stupor as he tried to blunder through the day shaking hands, kissing babies, posing for pictures and basically showing 'moral support' throughout the Ministry. By now he would have figured everyone was fed up with his picture being plastered on the front page of the newspaper every friggin day but apparently not. There was always still a bunch of onlookers with no good reason for being at the Ministry other than to see him. Seeing as he rarely went out onto the street anymore it was the only place for people to snag a glimpse.

The worst though were the girls. Of course he liked girls, he was married to one for goodness sakes, but not this new kind he had found out about. A huge fan base of girls aged 10-18 following him around, trying to get a lock of his hair or a scrap of his clothing. Them with their matching t-shirts and newsletters and their famous slogan " Harry Potta! He couldn't get Hotta!" He was just thankful they hadn't picked one of the other slogans he had been told about by an amused Draco Malfoy, brandishing a newsletter he had somehow snagged off of a club member: "The Golden Boy, I'll be his toy!" or " Harry Potter saved us from Slaughta!". It was down right humiliating. Draco had gotten a good chuckle out of it and Harry had gotten a bottle of rum.

The day was finally coming to a close and he could hear the Ministry workers bustling around chatting excitedly about going home, their families, children etc. Harry never partook in these conversations because he never had anything to say. He couldn't bear to look at Hermione any more, it just brought back too many painful memories and a deep guilt that seemed to squeeze around his heart.

_That's enough of that. Snap out of it, that's the past…moving on…which bar to hit first? Someplace quiet and secluded. I'd go home and drink but I can't face another argument with Hermione tonight. I wonder what Draco is up to tonight, he's always willing to hit a bar. What am I thinking? He never is 'up to' anything. He doesn't work either not with all his inheritance and all the apology money the Ministry has been forking out for keeping him in Azkaban for so long after wrongfully accusing him._

Harry got into the golden lift that would take him back up to his office which was essentially useless. He only went in there to get parchment and a quill or to hide from a gang of very unruly teenage girls. The lift seemed to take forever before it finally reached his floor. They had put him on the same level as the Aurors, which was also useless considering Harry could rarely remember his address never mind spell names.

He quickly grabbed a quill and scrap of parchment off of his desk and scribbled a note to Draco telling him to owl him back at 'The Cheshire', a wizarding bar a little ways out of London. After greatly embellishing his signature to give Draco a laugh he went back to the lift to go to the main entrance.

After the deathly long ride back he walked into a secluded room just off past the Floo area to where the Ministry officials kept their owls for farther trips than throughout the building. He walked up to Hedwig who was in a back corner. She gazed reproachfully at him and if owls could sniff he was positive she was smelling his breathe for the smell of alcohol. After being advised by Draco a while ago to cast a spell to help cover that he was fairly certain his breathe didn't smell but shifted uneasily under her bright eyes. She seemed to be more friendly after her inspection but there was still a look of suspicion about her. She held her leg out reproachfully and he tied it on quickly, just wanting to leave the room. She was smarter than any owl he had ever met which had often been helpful when he was young and lonely. For a long while she had seemed like his only companion, but in another way, it was just plain creepy.

He practically ran out of the room and went up to one of the many fireplaces to Floo to the bar. It was becoming quickly more empty and a sick sort of flashback came to him. He remembered being here almost five years ago, in almost the exact same place. He glanced quickly over to wear the fountain he remembered so clearly in his mind had once stood. The space there was now cleared except for a tasteful statue of Albus Dumbledore and a plaque of remembrance. The new statue almost hurt him more than seeing a big gap where the old fountain had stood. His eyes darted around the room and he grew more paranoid by the second.

He felt like everyone was staring at him. He was right but not because they were all in cahoots to attack him as he assumed but because their Hero was breaking out into a cold sweat, shaking, and glaring at anything and everything in the room. Rumours had spread that their Golden Boy had been a little…off…since he had returned from fighting You-Know-Who, but this seemed a little extravagant, especially since it was three years later.

Muttering to himself about dark wizards and assassination attempts Harry proceeded to Floo to 'The Cheshire'. It was a quaint little bar, more like an attempt at a club really. The whole place was based on the muggle story 'Alice in Wonderland', which wasn't really a fake story at all, just about a hapless muggle girl who fell into a harmless yet cruel muggle baiting scenario and wasn't _Obliviated _before she managed to spread her story. Harry sat down at his customary stool, through some coins at the bartender and took his customary gin and tonic without a word. He had never established a taste for wizarding alcohol for some reason. He slumped over the bar with his head in his hand only sitting up every couple of minutes to take a sip from the glass clenched tightly in his hand or to order another.

20 minutes or so later he was awaken from his trance-like state by something tapping him persistently on the head.

"Mghmf…" he mumbled and swatted the thing tapping him on the head, which earned him a sharp peck on the hand by his owl.

"Oh…its you. Well then uh…it's not what it looks." Stammered Harry.

What am I thinking! I don't need to explain myself to an OWL! I sound like a husband getting caught cheating on his wife. You know you're drunk when…

He quickly proceeded to take the letter from Hedwig and shoo her out the window.

_Yo Harry!_

_Sorry bout this mate but I'm kind of occupied at this moment and can't possibly make it. Probably all night, sorry. Met an old…friend. Have fun getting pissed drunk, my flat near there is open so feel free to crash if you're too drunk to go home. You know the regular charms to get in._

_Happy Puking,_

_Draco Malfoy the World Renown Sex God _

_P.S. Like my new title, I thought of it all by myself, not original I guess but it has a snappy ring to it._

Harry chuckled half-heartedly at Draco's obvious attempts to try and cheer him up. They were so blatantly obvious it was almost embarrassing, yet nice all the same. He crumpled the letter and chucked it on the floor, earning himself a glare from the bartender.

_Well, if he says he's out all night and meeting a 'friend' that's a sure sign he's getting laid tonight. If he's not using his flat I might as well use it instead of facing the music that's probably waiting for me at home_. _I wonder who this 'old friend' is though. Ah well, it's not like I'd probably know her._

With those thoughts in mind Harry continued as before, not knowing how very wrong he was.

* * *

A/N: So! What do you think! Pleeaasse revieewww! So what do you think is Draco shacked up with Hermione or are they just friends? Hmm…we shall see. Just to clear it up, anything italicized that is NOT part of a letter are thoughts coming from the character I'm talking about. I don't know if that was clear or not. Well…please review, questions, comments, suggestions, ANYTHING!

Thanks for reading! Much Love

CiCi


	3. Seeing Things in A New Light

Disclaimer: It's not mine all the fabulous Mrs. J.K.'s! Except the plot…the characters will do my will muhaha lol…er…and random characters.

A/N: Okay okay, I've noticed people have read to chapter two aka they actually read it not just opened it…sooo why NO reviews! Makes me sad. Anyways, sorry for the short chapters it will get longer they just seemed to end well there and were nice intro's to my characters. No worries I WILL finish the story so it's not going to be another annoying incomplete. Also, yes there will be a plot other than this dramatic love triangle, although I do love that stuff hehe…soooo on with the story!

**Chapter 3 – Seeing Things in A New Light**

Draco and Hermione strolled down Diagon Alley arms linked. At first Hermione was terribly uncomfortable with this situation but she was soon relaxing and enjoying the beautiful day. She hadn't been out in the daylight for what seemed like years. It was probably more like a couple of months, but that was still way too much for the young girl inside of her. She wanted to skip down the street singing, although she doubted even this newly refined and pleasant Draco would agree to that.

They spent the day sorting through boxes and boxes of china going over every piece and debating in a pleasant sort of way. He had surprisingly good taste for a man.

"Aww, what do you think? It's adorable!" Hermione cooed at a plate she was holding. It had little kittens frolicking around the edges.

"Sure, except for the fact that it's way too Umbridge. It also might be okay If you were say…five! This isn't a little girl's tea party set. Have you seen how much it costs for a cheesy plate with some kittens painted on it? Not to mention the fact of how could you eat off a plate with something furry on it? You'd be checking to see if the elves had dropped hair in your food or if it was just the print." Challenged Draco.

"Well…I suppose you're right, but, harsh much? Jeesh…I still think they are cute. Although you're right about the Umbridge thing. Harry has a hard enough time coping never mind him thinking Umbridge moved in when he was out." Hermione swallowed. So far she had managed to avoid bringing up Harry since their first discussion.

Draco smoothly disregarded her comment about Harry and continued to sort through piles of plate designs.

"Ugly…ugly…ugly as one of Millicent's pimples…repulsive…grotesque…Ah, here's one that's passable."

Hermione tried hard not to giggle at his pimple remark and ended up with a grimace-like smirk on her face as she looked at the plate Draco passed her.

"Well you don't have to look like that, I didn't think it was THAT terrible!" Draco commented over Hermione's facial expression.

"No, no, it's not that. The plate is actually quite nice. I like the Asian influence, but GREEN Draco?"

"Hey, you can take the boy out of Slytherin but you can't take the Slytherin out of the boy I guess. Anyways, it's a light green etching, and the rim is gold covered, a Gryffindor colour if I'm not mistaken." Draco retorted.

The two continued this way for a while until they finally settled on something and decided to go to Fortescue's for some ice cream. They took their ice cream and wandered until they found a bench under the shade of a store's awning and collapsed tiredly.

"You know Draco, I've actually had fun believe it or not, even if it is dish shopping. I always pictured me and Harry doing this kind of thing. Arguing over sheet patterns and wall colours until we were red in the face and then having crazy wild make-up sex."

At this Draco looked shocked. It was the first time she'd seen that expression since she had slapped him at school. She started to giggle uncontrollably.

"Gee Malfoy, I didn't peg you for being such a prude!" she laughed harder until she started to hiccough.

"I…well…well I mean…its you! Hermione Granger talking to me about wild crazy make-up sex! You almost shocked me into an early grave. It was completely unexpected…going from plates, to sheets, to paint to sex! It was…weird…and hot!"

At that remark she snorted so hard ice cream came out of her nose which sent both her and Draco into hysterics. They eventually calmed down, breathing hard and collapsing against the bench.

The two passed a peaceful rest of the day window shopping and looking through books. Anytime they saw anything interesting they just strolled in and the other followed. In the late afternoon as they were arguing over whether blondes or brunettes were better an owl came swooping down. Hermione looked up and noticed it was Hedwig.

"Oh, sorry Draco it must be Harry writing me wondering where I am."

"Um…I'm even sorrier to say I think it's for me."

"Why would you think that?"

"Oh, I dunno. Could be a hunch…or the big 'To:Draco Malfoy' on the front of the letter."

Hermione looked downtrodden and Draco actually felt sorry for the poor woman. He quickly unrolled the piece of parchment and scanned it. He whipped out a piece of parchment and a quill from his robes and scribbled something back before sending Hedwig off with it. Hermione had been trying to peer over his shoulder the whole time and he had noticed but decided to say nothing.

"That was Harry, as you probably knew, and he…uh…has to stay late at work tonight and I told him to use my flat for the night."

"Don't coddle me Draco, I know he probably went to a bar and will use your flat because he will be too pissed drunk to get home."

She sat glaring off into space for a few minutes and they sat their awkwardly, the tension that had dissipated since their arrival had sprung back up between them. Draco was just wondering whether he should break the silence or let her have her space when he heard a sniffle. He looked quickly at her shocked for the second time in about as many minutes. He had never seen this girl cry. He had seen her on the battlefield watching her closest friends die and she hadn't shed a tear. He had taunted her and teased her for all of their time together at school and she had never cried in his presence or even shown any signs of it. Yet, now, when they had just spent a lovely day together in the sun, shopping, after the war was over and Voldemort defeated…she cried.

He sat for a minute and just stared. Then he stood up and held out a hand to her picking up their bags as he stood. Her big brown eyes glittered up at him shimmering with tears. Her face was starting to go blotchy from the crying and it was cute in a sad sort of way. She wiped away her tears with the back of her hand and extended her other hand and fit it inside of his much larger one. It helped her feel much safer and more secure. He pulled her up with ease and the strength of an athletic boy turned man, probably from all of the Quidditch.

"Usually I'd use some corny line like your place or mine to make you laugh but it would be even more obvious since my place will probably be occupied in a while. No worries, I'm sure even if you have some muggle tea device I will be able to figure it out with few casualties. Rest assured." He joked and looked intently at her reaction.

Hermione giggled and even though it was quiet she meant it.

"Usually? You often pick up bawling ridiculous girls?" she joked back.

"Bawling yes…but this is my first ridiculous one." He smirked and winked

"HEY!" she went to slap him playfully on the arm but he dodged out of the way.

"Missed me, missed me, now you've got to kiss me!" he taunted and stuck out his tongue at her before taking off down Diagon Alley his robes flapping behind him.

"Oooo I'll get you alright Draco Malfoy!" she shrieked and laughed before chasing him through the crowd.

Draco darted through a bunch of foreign wizards and looked around for her. He couldn't spot her anymore and smirked to himself for losing her so easily when-

"OOMPH!" he grunted as something barreled into him and jumped onto his back. He collapsed on the ground pinned by the girl he thought he had successfully outran.

"Ha! Gotcha!" she shrieked into his ear laughing playfully as she sat on his stomach.

" Well, for all I'm actually really enjoying this position you may want to get up as we seem to be attracting a lot of attention, neither of us is exactly unknown around here."

Hermione flushed at his comment and jumped up quickly and looked around. The group of foreign wizards were looking at them curiously but other than that no one seemed to have noticed anything.

"Well, it's a good thing we just have these packages and not all of your dishes or I would be picking gold covered china out of my ass for years." Draco remarked as he picked himself up and dusted off his clothes.

He bent to retrieve all of the scattered parcels they had as Hermione still scanned the crowd distractedly.

"Come on, let's go. I do believe I owe you a cup of tea. The only condition is even if I screw it up terribly and it tastes foul you have to drink it with a big smile plastered on your face and say nice things." Draco smiled at her and she couldn't help smiling back.

"Dealllll!"

* * *

A/N: Sooooo…we didn't quite make it back to the house yet but I liked the ending. Them at the house will come up soon. But come on I couldn't make them jump into the sack chapter 2 that would be no fun. Who guessed right? Lol. Once again PLEASE REVIEW! The next chapter should be up soon, and I promise by…I'm thinking chapter 5 you'll see a real plot going on with angst and troubles. Just cause Voldie is gone doesn't mean its all fine. Muhaha

Much Love

CiCi


	4. Screw the Tea

Disclaimer: You know the drill…I own nothing…except fun socks and scarves and my boy toy A.B.! jokes

A/N: Okay, no one has reviewed and as I'm writing this almost 60 people have read…soo….where's the reviews? Good, bad…so-so? Does it need more action? Lemons? Romance? Angst? Humour? Up to you let me know. Please…

**Chapter 4 – Screw the Tea**

Draco and Hermione took the Floo to Hermione's house and Draco started rummaging around in the kitchen while Hermione unwrapped packages and set them in their new places. She heard much more banging and bumping coming from the kitchen than seemed necessary so she went to check it out.

Draco was prodding her microwave warily with his wand. She hid a smirk behind her hand. She snuck up quietly behind him.

"Is there a problem?" she inquired.

Draco jumped about three feet in the air and let out a feminine squeal causing Hermione to once again feel like she had taken more than the recommended dose of a Giggling potion.

"Uh…this…contraption whatchamacallit talked to me. It appears to be muggle made but it spoke and made beeping noises when I touched it. So far I can not decipher it's strange beeping language or it's use but I'm sure you will tell me."

Hermione walked over to the microwave and pressed the 'open' button and the door swung open. "Have a nice meal" came emitting from it along with a couple beeps when the door opened.

"It cooks food. Yes it is muggle but useful for Pogo's and pizza rolls some of the greatest muggle food inventions of all times." Hermione explained while she wondered if she even had any of them in the freezer to show him.

"Well…now that we've got that craziness over I'm not really sure if I want to try any more of your machines. _However_, I am pretty good at whipping up some scrumptious cocktails…with my wand of course!" he added. "I say screw the tea!" Draco shot her a bewitching smirk and conjured himself a margarita. "And what would the lady like?" he asked in a posh gentlemanly manner.

"Well…I haven't had Sex on the Beach for a while so I suppose that."

"I'm flattered m'darling yet sadly you're married."

Hermione cuffed him once on the side of the head making him smirk even more.

"Fine, fine, fine. One Sex on the Beach!"

He waved his wand lazily and an enticingly yummy looking drink appeared before her.

"Cheers to screwing tea!" she laughed.

They clinked glasses and they sipped quietly for a minute on their drinks. Hermione relaxed in the silence for a bit and then decided to attempt to bring up a subject neither of them had broached yet.

"Well, I know the whole story about you turning Death Eater, turning Order of the Phoenix spy against Voldemort, but I don't really know how you and Harry became friends. Or really us for that matter either."

Draco was quiet for so long Hermione began to wonder if perhaps they weren't good enough friends to talk about this kind of thing. For all she knew he could have personal things he didn't yet want to talk about. She was just going to tell him to forget it when he opened his mouth to reply.

"Well…after getting out of Azkaban I kind of retracted into myself. Harry and I saw each other in a bar one day and I guess we just clicked. We both knew what it was like to lose so much and feel so trapped in your own head. We're more alike then either of us cared to admit. After that I pretty much saw him everyday and we slowly talked to each other about some things and we both know when to talk and when to just sit and drink together. We don't need to talk, it's more like a quiet support system." Draco took a pause to take a deep breathe. This conversation and the margaritas he kept summoning were obviously starting to affect him. "As for me and you I have no idea what happened. I don't know about you but I sure didn't mean to run into you today…but I'm glad I did."

Hermione reached across the table to squeeze his hand in her own and gave him a reassuring smile.

"Me too Draco…me too."

They looked at each other deeply and Hermione was just starting to wonder what was going to happen if they kept up this way much longer when Neeby scuttled in, startling them both. Hermione quickly snatched back her hand and turned to face the tiny house elf.

"Would you like something Neeby?" Hermione asked her kindly.

"No Misses, Neeby just comes to tell Misses that Master Floo-ed and told me to tell you he is having a business meeting tonight and is not being home all night. Neeby is not supposed to be saying anything Misses but Master is not looking very much like he is doing business. Master seems…" she looked quickly over at Draco suspiciously.

"It's okay Neeby anything you say to me you can say in front of him." Hermione assured her.

Neeby didn't look too sure but she plunged on anyways, "Master is looking very drunks Misses."

"Thank you for telling me Neeby, please run along now."

The house elf turned away looking sad and skittered off.

"Hermione…I feel bad to say anything, but, how do you know he's not…you know…cheating on you?" Draco asked with trepidation.

"Ha!" she scoffed, "Harry is too lazy too sleep with me never mind sleep around." Then she covered her mouth looking scandalized but Draco only laughed.

"Why? Did he say something to you Draco?"

"No, I just wondered what you thought. You don't seem to be very naive of his **ahem** problems, I was just making sure you weren't too trusting."

"I don't know what to trust anymore, but I do trust that you whip up a very potent Sex on the Beach that doesn't seem to get any less full no matter how much I drink. Why's that do you think?" she asked sarcastically.

"He he…uh…no clue of course!" Draco then gave her the most angelic smile he could conjure.

"Aw, a face only a mother could love!"

"WHAT! You know I'm a sexy beast!"

"Well, the beast part I could understand, the sexy part…you just keep telling yourself that." She grinned from ear to ear .

He screeched and tackled her to the floor tickling her until she laughed herself hoarse.

* * *

A/N: What do you think? I'm trying here, please give me something to work with. Like seriously do all the people that read this have no fingers or something? If so I'll forgive you…if not REVIEW! I'll give you POGO's!

Much love and Pogo's

CiCi


	5. Foggy Mornings

Disclaimer: I own only the plot

A/N: YAY! 2 reviews! O happy days! Finally thank you thank you thank you! You both get Pogo's! A pogo is a corndog by the way but better…good with ketchup. You can have a cookie or a cake if you want instead though. I'm aiming for 5 reviews after this chapter…it's sad…I know. I'd also like to give a big shout out to A.B. who keeps me laughing and is the inspiration for anything stupid I may write. XOX Anyways, on with the show.

**Chapter 5 – Foggy Mornings**

Hermione and Draco were curled up in front of the sofa eating micro waved popcorn which greatly amused Draco. They had been sharing a bowl until he had decided to experiment with the flavour shakers and now had a repulsive mix of ketchup, salt and vinegar, sour cream and onion, and all dressed. He seemed to be enjoying it but Hermione had insisted on her own bowl after smelling it.

Draco was surrounded by an increasingly large amount of margarita glasses and Hermione was still working on her never-ending Sex on the Beach.

"Was it terrible for you and your mother when your father was killed?" Hermione asked quietly snuggling up closer to him.

He slung one arm over her shoulder thinking about it.

"Well, I never saw my mother after that, she went into hiding and I was too busy with the Order's work to really reflect on it, but he really was a pain in the ass anyways. My mother was always the quiet one and I never really talked to either of them. I have all I want right here."

At first Hermione thought she was talking about her but then she meant in general in the wizarding world….maybe. She didn't really want to ponder too much into the deeper meanings of what he was saying as her mind was pleasantly befuddled and she was feeling more and more comfortable.

Draco on the other hand was feeling mixed emotions. He was astonished at how much she had grown on him in the past day and was really enjoying the heavy feel of her head as it sank lower and lower down his chest as she started to pass out. He was also berating himself because of his mutinous thoughts. Harry was his friend. One of the only good friends he had ever had even if they didn't talk much. Admittedly, Hermione and him hadn't technically done anything to qualify it as cheating…yet. Although, he doubted if Harry walked in on them in this position he would feel quite the same way. He felt himself slowly sinking farther and farther into sleep as sugar plum fairies and Hermione danced in his head.

* * *

"Oh shit…I feel like I got run over repeatedly by a bus on the way to a 500 pounds plus convention." Harry moaned from his bed.

He rolled over to check that his wife was still asleep, she would definitely not approve of that remark. Yes, she was still sleeping. Wait, when had she gone blonde? When had she grown that RACK! Where were his maroon sheets? Green! This was Draco's bed and that was…he had no idea who the hell she was.

"OOO crap!" he whispered and started getting dressed hurriedly.

* * *

"Hermione! Hermione! Damn woman you're deaf!" said Draco as he was desperately trying to shake Hermione awake.

His shoulder was killing him and his neck was stiff from the way he had been laying. Carefully he tried to extract himself from her death grip. He finally wriggled out and he picked her up and laid her on the sofa. He gazed at her for a couple of seconds then conjured her a blanket and made a new fire as their old one had obviously burnt out hours ago. He looked around the messy room and cleaned it up with a couple of strokes of his wand and a few well chosen spells.

He had to go before Harry came home to get clean clothes. Draco couldn't decide what to do. He didn't want to leave Hermione in this state with no explanation yet he knew it would be worse if was here when Harry got here.

"_Accio_ parchment and quill!"

The items he had summoned came hurtling towards him and the quill narrowly missed impaling him in an area that he would have sorely missed. He sat down at the table to write his letter quickly, trying to choose his words carefully in case Harry saw the letter.

_Hey Girlfriend!_

_What's happenin' sista? I had fun last night it was da bomb. We should chillax sometime again soon._

_Love,_

_Candy_

XOXO 

Draco hoped it sounded ditzy and girly enough to completely disinterest Harry and that Hermione would pick up on his hints about the way he was starting to feel and his offer to do it again sometime. He left the note on the table and looked around hoping he wasn't forgetting anything before he disappeared into his newly created fire that would take him to his flat.

* * *

Draco strode through the fireplace and into his room to find Harry standing looking sheepish and only half dressed. His eyes darted to the bed where he saw the blonde head. The blonde started to sit up half heartedly and lazily.

"You're cheating on your wife with my cousin!"

* * *

A/N: Uh ohhh hmmm I wonder what's gonna happen. Anyone care to guess? I didn't mean to leave it with such a cliffie but I was told to, so don't hate me lol

Much Love!

CiCi


	6. Hidden Agendas

Disclaimer: Not mine sadly, except the plot!

A/N: Yay! I went to sleep, and now I have 7 reviews! Grins manically I'm so happy.

2 things: first, the title means Never Perfect…take it however you want we'll see how it goes it might make more sense later on; second, once again sorry about the short chapters I didn't mean to write so much in one day so I kept ending them sorriiess. On with the show!

**Chapter 6 – Hidden Agendas**

"YOU'RE CHEATING ON HERMIONE WITH MY COUSIN!" Draco yelled at Harry.

"Uh, no, I mean yes, I mean maybe, I mean I DON'T KNOW! I don't even know who she is I just woke up and-"

"Oh so you're cheating on Hermione AND using my cousin as your little random nameless sex slave!" interrupted Draco in a rage.

He started thundering around the room throwing things and yelling "What the fuck!" until he realized he was trashing his own apartment.

"Look what you made me do now! My apartment is completely trashed!"

Harry wanted to point out that it was him who had done the trashing but he didn't think that now was the time to point that out.

"Look please, it's not really your business what I do, you don't even barely know Hermione so I don't know why you're that angry! Look I know it's your cousin and all I'm sorry! Please just don't tell Hermione. And…uh…sorry about this miss…" Harry stammered, directing his last comment at the girl still on the bed looking almost amusedly at the situation.

"What do you mean not my business you're in my apartment! Hermione deserves better than this! You need to stop drinking, stop cheating, and get your ass home and treat her right! Treat her the way she deserves before she finds someone better who can…" he trailed off at this point looking at the ground.

Part of himself wanted to storm back to Hermione dragging the half dressed prat behind him raging and proving that he had been right all along. He would have, except for the fact he wasn't sure if he was doing it for the wrong reasons. Was it because that was the right thing to do and she deserved to know the truth? Or perhaps was it because who else would Hermione turn to, sad, alone, and betrayed, but him? Those thoughts were the only thing keeping him from his decision. True, Hermione did deserve better, but was he much better than Harry really?

"OKAY I know! I'm sorry! She does deserve better. She's always deserved better. She would have been with Ron if…if…" he trailed off as his deep secret threatened to overwhelm him.

"Don't use that card Harry! You have to get over it or tell her the truth. I can't tell you what to do about that one but I can tell you that if you don't admit to Hermione about this I will personally chop off every body piece I decide you don't need. Got it!"

"Yeh, Draco…I'm sorry."

Draco scoffed in disgust, "You don't need my forgiveness. You need Hermione's, but if I were her, I wouldn't give it to you."

Harry just nodded in response and picked up the rest of his things then left quickly through the fireplace.

"You missy, have some explaining to do."

* * *

Hermione woke up lazily and stretched. She looked around and realized she was on her couch and there was a blanket over her. She smiled to herself at Draco's thoughtfulness then continued to look around. The mess from last night was cleaned up and Draco was no where to be seen. She stretched again, pulled back the blanket and ambled slowly over to the table, noticing the note on it. She laughed to herself at his note and wondered if there was more behind it. Hopefully he really meant what he said about getting together again soon. She wondered if she could even meet him again today. She grinned to herself like a giddy school girl.

She turned suddenly as Harry stumbled out of the fireplace behind her. His clothes were done up awkwardly and he looked a complete mess, even without being covered in ash from the fireplace. She fiddled nervously with her robe feeling bad about her not-so-school-girl ideas about Draco.

"Uh, hi hunnie, how was your 'business' last night?" Hermione asked carefully.

"Oh, er…it was fine. Just fine. Draco's was fine. Boring. You know. Late night-I mean- early! Very early night. Turned in quickly, I was tired. All by myself very, lonely and tired." He stammered looking even more nervous than Hermione.

She gave him a contemplating look for a moment. He was acting weird. Weirder than usual. She put it down to him trying to lie about another night of drinking himself into a coma and left it at that. They stood for a few seconds awkwardly as if they were strangers then both started muttering about getting dressed, having a shower, things to do today and split up quickly.

Harry entered his room and let out a long breath he hadn't known he had been holding it. He remembered what Draco had said but didn't think that was the right time to tell Hermione. Actually, he didn't foresee any time in the near future, or future at all, that it would be a good time to tell her. What was he going to do? There was really no good answer. He racked his brains trying to remember what happened last night. The last thing he remembered was leaving the bar because it took him a couple of times of bouncing off the walls to get out the door, but he couldn't remember if he was alone or not. You'd think if someone was with him they might have helped guide him after the fourth time he walked into the doorframe, but perhaps she had been drunk as well.

* * *

"So. What do you have to say for yourself? Why him! In MY apartment nonetheless. Are you even legal age!" Draco ranted.

"Oh come on we have the same birthday!" Drea said exasperatedly.

"Drea! The last time I saw you, you were trying to get me to play dollies with you!"

"Well…maybe I didn't know this was your apartment!"

"Yes, that would make sense except for the big Malfoy crest over my bed! And the fireplace! And every door!"

"Hmm…well…okay I have no good lie for that one! I knew it was your place I just wasn't thinking too well! Anyways, I'm not five anymore. He's not terrible looking" she smiled coyly at the last part.

"O well then I'm sure you've found your soul mate since you think sooo much of him! Aren't your parents going to kill you anyways for sleeping with the 'Golden Boy'?"

"You'd be surprised at how little they will protest about this…" she trailed off with the famous Malfoy smirk and a conniving look in her eye.

"What kind of scheme are you up to?" he demanded.

* * *

A/N: Okay so it's not thattt much longer but the rest will be I prommissee. Thanks to everyone who read. I'm sure I had something important to say but I can't remember now.

Okay, also this chapter didn't have much going on but it sets up the next couple chapters. We'll learn a lot more about Drea and her family history and all that later on. I don't want to give it away but here's a little hint: there's a bigger scheme in the works involving more Malfoys. If you can guess who or something that is going to happen I'll give you another little tidbit. Guess in the reviews or send me a msg! I'm working on the next chapter right now so just give it a couple hours or so.

Much Love!

CiCi


	7. Booze Covered Secrets

Disclaimer: Not mine J.K.'s obviiouslly! Except the plot yay!

A/N: Yay two more reviews! Anyways, I'm glad someone picked up on the Ron absence thing. It will come into play very soon. There's much that happened in the war that hasn't come up yet. Thanks to everyone who's been reading. If you're reading this PLEASE REVIEEEWW! And if you have reviewed thanks sooo much! Now, on with the show.

**Chapter 7 - Booze Covered Secrets**

"Is it done?" A commanding voice echoed out from behind a hood in a darkly lit chamber.

"Yes Master. His support system and will has been diminished. His Gryffindor morals will make him tell the truth, or what he thinks is the truth to his mudblood bitch of a wife. He's segregated himself from the rest of his friends and with his best friend out of the picture he will be easily susceptible to your plans."

The blonde witch who had just replied cackled evilly and continued, "It was soooo easy! How did you get Draco to agree and lend his flat to him? He put on a very convincing performance I must say. Trashing his own apartment and everything."

"Ah, well that was a pure stroke of luck on our part. He knows nothing of me, nor of our plans. Yet. We will bring him into the fold soon enough. I know he befriended Harry Potter in my absence. Well, perhaps not befriended, for no kin of mine would ever be able to be friends with anyone but themselves, but they seemed to have developed a mutual drinking agreement. I'm not yet sure if it was some scheme of his to destroy Harry Potter, or if perhaps he was genuinely lonely. We shall find out soon enough. However, I am sure that once he finds out of my existence he will turn to our side wholeheartedly. Especially if we continue with this charade. He should never know the truth about what happened that night at his flat is that understood?"

The cloaked figure ended her rant menacingly and withdrew further into the shadow, crossing it's legs and sipping a glass of scotch.

"Yes Master, of course."

The blonde woman bowed and crossed to the door. Her work for now was over. Her next mission was to see that everything went to plan. The spying work was much less fun than her last mission but it paid off to see the aftereffects.

* * *

"Have you told her yet!" a menacing voice echoed from behind Harry and he jumped a foot and spun around wand at the ready.

Harry saw the head of a blonde man glaring at him from the fireplace. It was Draco of course. Harry shuffled his feet guiltily and looked at the ground, avoiding the piercing glare coming from those stony grey eyes in the fireplace. If looks could kill Harry was sure a Mac truck would be rampaging out from the fireplace to run him over, back up and run him over again. There was a hard cruelty in the eyes Harry could only remember seeing long ago at Hogwarts.

"Well, not yet. You see, she looked so happy when I came in I couldn't bear to ruin her good mood."

Draco thought about that for a minute pondering over his words. He was elated that perhaps the thought of himself or the memory of last night had put Hermione in such a good mood, but that was not the point of the conversation at hand.

"And when, pray tell, do you think would be a good time to tell her?" Draco challenged.

"Well, I don't really see any time in the foreseeable future that it would be a good time to tell her…"

"Oh so you're a fortune teller now are you? You can see the future? If I recollect correctly you failed dismally at Divination. Also, you'd think if you could see the future you wouldn't have fallen into so many of Voldemort's traps. But I guess that's just my opinion." Draco snapped sarcastically.

"Look, I'll do it tomorrow. I have to get changed and run over to the Ministry quickly they will be expecting me. I'm late as it is. Please, just don't tell her anything yet. I know! Maybe…maybe you could take her out today so she'll have a good day and I can tell her tonight. Could you do that for me Draco?"

Harry didn't know that that was exactly what Draco had already been planning on doing so he pretended to grudgingly acquiesce to Harry's request. With another scathing remark Draco stuck his head back into his own apartment.

Sitting there with a scotch in one hand he pondered over the events of the last 24 hours. He sipped on the scotch to steady his nerves. It was a homey drink to him he had grown up around and it helped soothe him as alcohol is wont to do. His cousins appearance had greatly disturbed him. She had always been fascinated by the Dark Arts and upholding family honour. True, he had seen her playing with dolls but half of them were marked mudbloods the others pure-bloods and the pure-bloods were always desecrating the mudbloods. The dolls labeled 'mudblood' tended to usually be missing a head or other vital body part by the time he saw them.

True, he himself had once been a huge supporter of 'The Cause', maybe she had changed as well. She had told him she was just in a bar and had met him and thought he was cute. The whorish mannerism did seem much like the rest of the females from the Malfoy line, yet something did not add up. He did not trust the glint in her eye and the vague amusement she seemed to register from the situation. She reminded him a lot of, well…himself, and that meant she was not to be trusted.

Draco decided to get on with the day. His cousin was not the main problem. Hermione was the one who was going to get hurt in this situation. Dejectedly, he decided to owl her and ask her to spend the day with him again. He really enjoyed spending the day with her and had been looking forward to it, but he knew that this impending secret would put a damper on the day. He also knew that if Hermione found out he knew about it and didn't tell her she would be extremely pissed. If there was one thing Draco had learned in his years it was never ever piss off a smart woman with a wand.

* * *

Hermione went about her morning routine with a new bounce and vigor in her step. She took a long shower and took special care on her appearance. She rummaged through drawers for over an hour looking for the perfect outfit and used some skilled cosmetic and hair charms that really lifted years off of her. Just as she was putting the finishing touches of her make-up charms on an owl soared into the room and dropped a letter on her lap. Giddy as a school girl she opened the now familiar handwritten letter with a grin. Draco had told her to drop by his flat whenever she was ready and they could go out and have lunch. Racing to grab her purse she practically flew over to the fireplace and almost jumped into the flames without adding the floo powder.

She arrived to see Draco pacing in an agitated matter, consequently spilling scotch from the glass in his hand.

"That's alcohol abuse you know." Hermione joked to his turned back.

Draco jumped and was about to fling back a witty retort when he stopped dumbstruck. She looked fabulous, much better than the day before. It took his breathe away for a moment and he forgot the comment he was about to say. He saw her blush and twist the hem of her skirt nervously as he stared at her and he realized he was making her uncomfortable.

"Uh, you look lovely Hermione."

She beamed, making her face light up even more. She stood there for a moment unsure of how to reply as he strode over to a comfortable looking leather chair and sat down picking up a pipe and lighting it, puffing regally on an expensive smelling tobacco.

"Would you like a drink? Scotch, whiskey, brandy, chardonnay, vodka, wine…anything really." Draco offered regally.

"Erm, a nice white zinfandel might be nice actually."

He conjured up a glass and she accepted it with a nod and settled into a chair opposite from him.

Hermione continued uncertainly, "I didn't know you smoked. I didn't peg you for the smoking type."

"Ah, I don't my dear. The trick is to take it into your mouth without inhaling. I think a pipe makes me look much more posh. Plus, with this wizarding tobacco you can make the most wonderful smoke designs. Rings, dragons, boats, stars. It's quite amusing when you're hammered, a good party trick when you're around muggles as well." He grinned slyly.

Hermione laughed uproariously, "I can see this being a great day already!"

Draco just sat quietly thinking about how completely wrong she was.

* * *

A/N: Sooorrryyy I took so long, I've been away and been very busy. SOOO who do you think the cloaked figure is? More hints to the correct guesser! They become verryyy important soon. I hope you liked this chapter! Well, pleasssee review I'm dying here.

Adios!

Much love

CiCi


	8. The Mystery of the Missing Characters

Disclaimer: Not mine except the plot. I wish it was mine because then I'd be stinking rich and be able to decide the fates of all the characters for real! But instead, I'll content myself to messing with them in fanfic!

A/N: Why does no one review? People read…I see that…yet they do not review. I don't know how to get my message past any stronger. REVIEW PLEASE! I'm begging! On my knees…seriously. Groveling. Let me know what I need to do to get you to review and it's done! You want a raunchy sex scene, or me to kill everyone! What! Anything! Just pleaassee review! Anyways, lights, laptop, action. On with the show…

**Chapter 8 – The Mystery of the Missing Characters**

Draco decided today would be a day for Hermione to remember, because she might well hate him tomorrow, and pretty much the rest of the world for that matter. He tried to act cheery and they spent a great day laughing and joking. He had pulled a few strings and had gotten them passports to go to Egypt through the Floo system, he had once heard her long ago in Hogwarts envying the Weasley's their trip to Egypt so he figured that was a place to start. She was ecstatic and they spent the day looking at old ruins and pyramids and anything else she wanted to see. He had never liked that much sun as it totally ruined his pale complexion, but he really enjoyed it. She showed him the mystery of the pyramids and the wonder in everything around them. He had never really thought about the world that much, he had only been focused on his own.

Hermione on the other hand was almost completely enveloped in the world around her. She barely noticed his distant look, although she did notice him just standing there with his hands in his pockets staring out into the distance, but then she would drag him off to see something and he seemed to be completely normal again. She shrugged off the weird vibe coming off of him as a 'man thing' and decided to fully enjoy the day. Harry had never taken her anywhere. Dinner was probably the only reason they had left the house in the whole time they were married and the last time that had happened was beyond her recollection.

After a long day in the sun, and after much fun they retired to his flat, thoroughly exhausted and content. Hermione's skin started to tingle and she realized she had gotten much more burnt than she had realized. She had been so consumed in the day she had totally forgotten a sun block charm. She conjured up a bottle of aloe vera and proceeded to massage it into her skin.

"Draco, could you get my back for me?"

He ambled over to her chair consumed in his thoughts until he saw the way she flipped her long dark locks over her shoulder and pulled down the spaghetti straps of her shirt. He gulped audibly feeling very uncomfortable. She didn't seem to notice his nervousness and sat there waiting. He rubbed the lotion between his hands for a minute full of trepidation and unsure of what to do. He took one step forward then another and placed his hands on her back gently massaging it into her skin. She leaned into his hands and relaxed as if it were the most normal thing in the world. He continued for a moment then jumped back as if scalded.

"Look, Hermione, I have things I have to do now. I had a great time. Harry should be wondering where you are. You should be getting back to your house, and your…husband."

He turned around unwilling to face her. He knew if she stayed it would only lead to things he wasn't willing to explore. Hell! He was way too eager to explore everything, but it wasn't right. Only hours ago he had been berating Harry on his infidelity and now he was thinking very very dirty thoughts about Hermione.

Hermione stood up uncertainly. Did Draco not want to see her? Was he bored with her? She was very confused by his reaction but she accepted his obvious wish for her to leave. She nodded her understanding and tried to hide the hurt look on her face.

His stomach plummeted as he noticed the hurt look she tried to cover with an awkward grin. He didn't mean to hurt her. The exact opposite in fact. He didn't know what to say to assure her or to take back the remark he had just blurted out. Draco desperately needed her to go and desperately wanted her to say. O fucking great I'm acting like a chick now with mixed up emotions and all those terrible lovey-dovey angsty feelings. He slapped himself mentally.

Noticing that he wasn't going to say anything else she turned around and left through the fireplace feeling worse than when she had entered in such high spirits.

Draco let out a muffled yell of anger at himself and punched his fist into his wall. Then he grabbed his knuckles in pain and realized it was the second time in as many days he had started to trash his own apartment.

* * *

Hermione huffily through her bag on the kitchen table and collapsed into a chair which she quickly jumped out of when she realized there was already someone at the table.

"Harry! I didn't realize you'd be home so early, or at all for that matter."

"Well, we need to talk."

Hermione detachedly had an inward laugh at those famous last words. Surprisingly, she wasn't too worried about it. Harry always got upset over the smallest things. She wasn't worried about their marriage, he had never given a damn before so there was no reason for him to start now. They both led their lives and barely spoke to each other. She tried to focus back on Harry as he seemed to be trying to tell her something, which was a novelty for them really. They hadn't had a decent serious conversation since before the war and she expected this one to not hold much meaning either. He was probably just going to admit he went drinking last night and crashed at Draco's.

"I think I should start from the beginning. You know I drink. Tons. I know you're not stupid but I've treated you like you are. There's something about the war you need to know. I know I always hinted at something at that I started to drink and grow distant after it. You always seemed to chock it down to me being depressed about the war and everything that we saw. But there's more to it. I've been carrying around the guilt for three years. I can't stand it. You're going to hate me for everything I say in this conversation. I hate myself for it all too…"

Harry trailed off and laid his head in his arms. Hermione moved closer to him and rested her hand on his arm. It was a very intimate gesture. Despite the fact they were husband and wife they had avoided contact with each other like the black plague, making that small gesture all the more relevant.

"Go on Harry, I could never hate you. I want to know. No, I need and demand to know, you never should have kept the burden on yourself. It's not healthy for you, or for us. Please, just tell me."

Her kind words seemed to weaken his resolve even more. He slumped farther down on his chair looking pitiful. Hermione however, was getting restless. She was pissed off, she had been waiting three years for this and finally when she was meeting new people and getting a life here he was messing it all up with his depressed attitude and moping about his own problems.

"Look Harry! I've had enough! I've dealt with your moping for three years! I saw what you saw during the war. I saw our friends die and watched people slaughtered and killed for no reason. I was just as torn up about it as you! Now either spit out your dreadful secret or stop moping around! I'm not going to walk on eggshells around you anymore and I'm not going to pansy you. You're a big boy Harry! Now spit it out!" she punctuated the last four words violently.

This more than anything seemed to give Harry more drive to continue on. Their conversation was getting away from the point and was going dreary. It was time to fess up.

"I know you saw most of what I saw. Everyone has heard about Ron….but…but…no one knows it was me who killed him."

* * *

A/N: OOO another cliffie! Don't you love them! Well, if you don't then REVIEW and it will spur me to write more and faster. There's so much you guys don't know yet it's great. It's all locked in my head and you don't get to know it unless some people review! PLEAAASE! Have a chipper day! My birthday is tomorrow so I might not be writing unless I'm on super late/early and if I get some reviews to make me feel better muahaha I'm evil. Anyways, keep smiling.

Much love

CiCi


	9. Little Green Man

Disclaimer: Not mine all Rowling's except the plot of course.

A/N: Well, still no reviews I'm on about 900 hits and I have 9 reviews. That makes me very very sad. Well, after this chapter, if I don't get at least three more reviews I'm stopping writing until I do. Also, I'm thinking around chapter 10 there might be quite a bit of smut for that chapter. Yes or no? Good idea or bad? Let me know. Now, on with the show.

Thanks to TraceyI for the review! YAY! To answer your question I guess it is different for everyone really. In this case I think Hermione is less upset about the drinking and more upset about Harry shutting her out and being neglected. She doesn't see the drinking as the cause of it she sees the war and Voldemort as his reason for being so distant. She drinks to rid herself of her memories as well and her present. Once again thanks so much!

**Chapter 9 – Little Green Man**

Hermione sat up quickly and her chair fell backwards. She ran her hands through her hair not noticing what she was doing. Harry expected her to ask him a million questions and he braced himself for the onslaught.

"I need a drink. A really strong drink." Was all that she said.

Grateful for the break Harry quickly pulled out his large stash of liquor.

"What would you like?"

"Tequila. Shots. 10. Straight." She spoke in a monotone voice and didn't seem capable of completing a sentence.

Harry quickly bustled about preparing her order and pulling out shot glasses from who knows where. He poured himself a strong Bourbon and sat down abruptly. It was a good thing he sat down because the sight of his wife pounding back her shots with the air of an experienced drinker would certainly have knocked him off his feet.

She had licked her hand and put a ton of salt on her hand and was carefully licking off a bit before each shot. She finished six of them and sat down as abruptly as Harry had and eyed her glasses debating about the rest. She figured she would save them, depending on how worse the news got she might need them in a couple of minutes.

"Okay, I'm ready now. Please…continue." Hermione instructed briskly.

Taken aback slightly Harry ventured on slowly. "Well you know Ron and I traveled to the edge of the battle and prepared to take on Voldemort. He ambushed us before we were ready and he captured Ron. He said that I couldn't live without him and that my pathetic friends were all that I had to stand between me and imminent death. As it was I was jealous of Ron. Previously that day we had gotten into a fight over you. He said that I had waited too long and that you and him were happy. I was green with envy. Ginny and I were never meant to be. I think the only reason he ever approved of our relationship was so that he could keep a bunker between me and you. When Voldemort insinuated that I needed him I just scoffed at him. I DARED him to do it Hermione. I laughed in his face and told him Ron meant nothing to me, he was nothing but a backstabbing weasel. He killed him because I dared him. I did it. The last thing Ron heard was me saying how much I hated him…" Harry trailed off trying to suppress a sob.

Hermione was torn. In one way she was disgusted, how could Harry do that to his best friend! Would he have done the same to her? The other side of her felt deep pity for the troubled man who had once been such a jubilant and happy young boy that needed nothing but his two best friends.

"I was wrong. I do need him. I never could look at you the same again after that. I loved you still and I felt I had to take care of you because I had killed the one man who would have. But I failed. Miserably. I couldn't have done a shittier job if I tried. Ron would have been much better for you. Hell anyone would have been better for you. I've failed you both."

Hermione sat there for a minute leaving him to compose himself. She didn't really want to give him another chance or to forgive him but she couldn't say that she was sick of him and that she agreed with everything he said. He looked far too pathetic for tough love. Not even tough love, just the truth.

"It's…it's okay Harry. You neglected me and you drank too much, but you never beat me or cheated on me. We can deal with the rest as it comes as long as we deal with it together."

She had thought her words would comfort him or at least soothe some of his distresses about her hating him but he just downed his Bourbon and flopped his head onto the table resulting in a resounding and sickening smack. He looked even more upset than he had before.

"Well, Harry, that's got to be the worst there is I'd say. Don't worry about the past. I don't care about the past that was a long time ago. Look, I'm going to bed I have much to think about. You can sit here and drink yourself into a stupor or you can join me, it's up to you. I know this was hard for you, but now we are over the worst."

Harry let out a muffled groan of dismay. He could NEVER tell her about the 'incident' at Draco's flat. He had heard her. She couldn't forgive him for that. He had never treated her right but he figured telling her about this would only hurt her more. He thought about this for so long that he almost managed to convince himself that he wasn't telling her for her own good. Almost, but not quite.

* * *

Hermione walked slowly to her room surprised at how viciously the walls were spinning. She gripped the banister tightly to help right herself. The news about Ron had really shaken her up. Everyone had said that Ron had martyred himself for the cause. He had saved Harry so that the rest of the world could live. She had understood that but had also been hurt that he didn't love her enough to stay alive for her. Now, everything was different. What would her life look like if Ron had lived? Certainly nothing like this. Harry and Hermione had only started dating after the war because they had much in common and understood the pain and loss of the war. Also, they had grown up together and felt comfortable together. It seemed natural.

She couldn't comprehend it all. It was too much to take. She crawled up the stairs and collapsed into bed. At first she thought she would never be able to sleep with all of the thoughts running through her head but she soon passed out from a mixture of shock and rapid alcohol consumption for the second time that day.

* * *

Draco paced back and forth in his room unable to sleep. He wondered if Harry had broken the news to her yet. Would she cry in that terrible heart-shattering way she had the other day? Would the once strong girl crumble under the pressures and problems of her life? Or perhaps her old fire would come back and she would yell at him and stand up for herself. He wasn't sure and he was desperate to find out. He knew he shouldn't barge in if they were talking so he restrained himself. Barely.

On probably his hundredth turn around his flat an owl flew through the window of his room and sat down on the table with a letter attached to it's ankle. He rushed over expecting it to either be a plea of help from Hermione or a howler. Yet, his wasn't Cleo, or any of Harry's owls. It was a bird he was completely unfamiliar with. He glanced warily at the letter attached to the bird. The large loopy letters that spelled out the address seemed familiar to him but from a time long ago.

He gently took the letter off of the bird and opened it still trying to remember where he recognized the handwriting from. His eyes scanned the letter so fast his pupils seemed blurred. The letter fell to the ground and he let out a gasp. NO! It couldn't be! It wasn't possible. They were dead. This wasn't happening it had to be a prank. But no. No one could mimic that handwriting. He bent hastily to retrieve the letter to read it again. He sat down on a chair clutching at his heart that seemed to be trying to pound it's way out of his chest. No….it was not possible…

A/N: DUM DUM DUM….who is it! I know I know! If you guess right I'll let you know. I'll send out one more plea for reviews and then let you go wonder about these new developments.

Much love,

CiCi


	10. Unexpected

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine except the plot!

A/N: Yay! Thanks for the reviews. Yes, I do spend a lot of time on my computer, generally early in the morning or late at night. Okay, to those of you who are confused I'm sorry and I'll recap a bit: 1) Harry basically killed Ron through a dare and out of jealousy 2) Draco's cousin and a mysterious figure are plotting against Harry 3) Draco just got a very startling owl from someone (cough mysterious figure cough ) unknown 4) Harry still hasn't told Hermione about cheating on her. I think that's about all of the important aspects other than the fact they've all been drinking like mad.

Thanks again to people who review!

**Chapter 10 – Unexpected**

Hermione woke up slowly not wanting to move. She moved her leg tentatively and felt a cold breeze so she quickly tucked it back to her body. Yesterday had not gone as she had planned at all and she had a wicked headache. She had forgotten to close the blinds and a piercing light was burning her eyes through her eyelids.

"Blarrgg….early…bad sun…" she grumbled.

She finally opened them and stretched. She looked around but couldn't tell if Harry had come to bed last night or not because the blankets were strewn all over the place by her constant kicking and rolling around during the night as usual. She lay there leisurely for a couple minutes and was only just falling back to sleep when…

"DIIINNNGG DONNNNG!"

"WHATT! O frikkin' hell...mother-"

"DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG!"

The doorbell was repeatedly rung faster and faster. Clutching her ears Hermione stumbled out of bed and grabbed her robe, trying not to stumble.

"Where are those damn elves when you need them. OOO frick why did I have to give them Sundays off!"

She stumbled down the stairs completely disheveled and continued to the front door. She flung it open in a huff and was shocked by the figure standing on the door and she pulled her robe tighter around her feeling self conscious. A gorgeous blonde was standing in her doorway as though it were the most normal thing ever. She had perfect curves and was wearing something that was much like some of Hermione's most risqué lingerie. She had a maroon bundle in her arms and was staring at Hermione like she would at a piece of dirt on her shoe.

"I was wondering if Harry was there. Could you be a dear and fetch him?" she asked, no more like commanded snootily.

"No, he's not. Is there something I can help you with?"

"I wouldn't want to trust a _maid _with my message." The blonde girl said rudely.

"I am NOT the maid. If you have something to say just say it and I will tell him later."

"Fine…I didn't know he had a sister. Anyways, I can to return these. I realized I was wearing them when I left Draco's the other night when he rudely kicked me out and Harry must not have noticed since he left in such a hurry."

The blonde skanky bimbo held out what Hermione realized to be a pair of Harry's boxers. The blonde was grinning and completely expected Hermione to burst into tears as was planned, but she did something completely unexpected.

BAM! Hermione had swung her fist back and punched the bitch as hard as she could in the nose! The girl put her hand up to her face to try to stop the flow of blood that was pouring down her face and arms and mixing with the maroon boxers until boxer and blood could not be told apart. At first Drea was just shocked. The supposed 'smartest witch of the age' had neglected to use her wand when it came down to it and had hit her! This was NOT in the plans! The shock soon wore off and she jumped at Hermione scratching and clawing.

"Pfftt you fight like a girl!" shrieked Hermione, and proceeded to knee her in the stomach and kick her in the shin.

Drea had never fought physically. She was a Malfoy for goodness sakes. No one would dare touch her. She was on her knees gasping in pain. Most definitely not in the plan. She had been raised to endure '_Crucio_' and most other wizarding ways of inflicting pain but this was nothing she had ever dealt with. She was proud of the deep gash she had scratched into Hermione's cheek when she had leapt at her but admitted that she was much worse for wear. Her nose was still bleeding profusely and she was starting to get lightheaded from the lack of blood.

Hermione stood gazing at her in what looked like a calm manner.

"I don't think he will be needing those. Now I'd advise you to take you, your whore like mannerisms, and whatever STD's you've undoubtedly picked up, and leave my property at once before I'm forced to hurt you. Have a nice day."

With that she shut the door in the girl's face and locked the door with the muggle locks and some well placed charms. The rest of the house was already warded for burglars and unwanted visitors so she felt satisfied that that would be the last of the girl. Actually, she doubted the girl would be standing for quite some while.

It took her only a couple of seconds to decide what to do. This was the last straw. She was through. Also, she knew the exact way to get the point across to him as well. Humming and grinning to herself she walked upstairs much more awake than she had come down them. She felt unbelievably free and danced around the house listening to muggle CD's as she went about her plans. The first thing she opened was the closet…then the window.

* * *

People out on the street outside turned to watch as clothes went sailing out of the window. Then other items, getting heavier and heavier, all obviously belonging to a man. When she started throwing galleons out they became much more interested in the belongings. Soon Hermione's lawn had become a free-for-all as people fought over the various items that continued to soar out of the windows.

* * *

Hermione calmly made her way down to the kitchen looking for anything that belonged to Harry exclusively, or really anything she didn't like. It was great spring cleaning. She worked her way around until she found the liquor. She was about to start tossing it out the window when she slapped herself.

"Silly Hermione, never waste the booze, you should remember that, you're not THAT old!" she scolded herself viciously.

She took a second look at the bottles and only decided on throwing the fireball whiskey out of the window because in her opinion that was good for nothing but fire starter. All in all, her day was not as bad as she had first thought.

* * *

Harry apparated home from work today, dejected, tired, and frazzled. The first thing he noticed was a bottle of fireball whiskey near the front walkway. The next thing he noticed were a couple of stray people pushing buggies around the back of his yard and picking up and putting back down other items. He looked around and saw a bunch of his things scattered around. One woman picked up a pair of his pants and threw them away.

"Hey! What's wrong with those pants, that's my favourite pair!" he yelled.

_What the hell am I thinking! I'm encouraging her to take my pants! _Harry thought to himself, kicking himself mentally. It took him a minute to put two and two together. He noticed the blood on the step and a bloody pair of his boxers. _Oh shit!_

A/N: Okay no raunchy sex scenes yet, coming up sometime soon now that everyone is separate. I thought Hermione finally getting a backbone was a nice twist. Harry is in troubbllleee though! Today's my b-day yay! I can't wait to party sometime this week. Anyways, review and I'll keep writing.

Much love,

CiCi


	11. Scotch Traditions

Disclaimer: All J.K.'s except the plot and the booze

A/N: Thanks to the readers and reviews. Sorry there was no mention of Draco the last chapter but I thought I'd make it a semi-humorous one. To my readers I may seem like an alcoholic and you are damn right JOKING. The alcohol just ties things in to make people laugh and the scotch is a little bit of foreshadowing you might find out this chapter. So write to me or review and tell me what you want to see in upcoming chapters. All ideas are excepted, thought about, then thrown out and I'll do it my way JOKING AGAIN. I like new ideas and comments etc. Please tell me what you want! Anyways, here we go again.

**Chapter 11 – Scotch Traditions**

Draco pulled on some warm clothes and a dark woolen cloak, fastening it tightly and pulling it over his head. He stepped outside of his house, looked around and apparated. He arrived in almost complete darkness except for the little light the moon was giving off. The night was cloudy and the stars were hidden. Frost covered the ground making it crackle and crunch with each step he took. He headed purposefully to what looked like a clump of trees. On closer inspection you could make out the faint outlines of a cabin that anyone of muggle stature would never have seen. He headed towards what looked like a door and knocked three times.

The door swung open seemingly of it's own accord and as he stepped in dim lamps flickered into existence. He walked along a long corridor that was much bigger than the entire cabin had looked from outside. He knew where he was going even though there had been no instructions about the interior in the letter, it was instinctual. He knew what was behind the last door and he headed purposely for it. Just as he reached it he hesitated for a minute but it too swung open before he could change his mind and head back.

"Welcome Draco. You took so long I wondered if you were going to come or if perhaps my letter had fallen into the wrong hands. I heard that others had lately taken residence in your flat."

Draco couldn't see the face sitting on the chair in front of him but he knew who it was and he knew that they were smirking at him. He swallowed and sat down at the chair obviously waiting for him. He did not know what to say so he said the first thing that came to mind.

"I thought you were dead." It wasn't a question per say, but it obviously demanded an explanation for the deception.

"I was in hiding. I did not want to get mixed up with the Ministry nor anyone else involved after the Fall. I did not contact you because I wanted to study you. I liked the way you squirmed your way out of Azkaban. In fact it showed more wit and cunning than I thought you possessed." The cloaked figure leaned back farther in the chair sipping on a scotch.

If Draco had not known who the figure was by now the smell of that scotch and the perfectly shaped round ice cubes would have definitely triggered a memory. In fact he barely had a memory of his childhood without that glass, that smell, and those distinctively charmed ice cubes.

"Would you like a scotch Draco? You are of legal age now, not that that ever mattered to any of us. We are above the rules."

"I think I'll need one actually. It's not everyday you meet family in a dark out of the way cabin that you thought was dead for three years you know."

"I see your snide remarks and supposed wit still doesn't fail you. It always was an annoying habit, but what can I expect from a Malfoy, we are all alike."

"I am nothing like you. Or any Malfoy for that matter, except perhaps the Tonks side."

The figure shuddered noticeably.

"THAT, is not to be spoken of. She was a complete disappointment to this family, it's no surprise she was blasted off of the family tree. Marry a muggle, what a ridiculous idea."

Draco scowled. He knew before he came that this conversation would not go well. He had never pegged them for such a supporter however. He chugged back the scotch she had whipped up for him. It was meant to be a posh slowly sipped drink but he wasn't in the mood for that. He needed a high alcohol blood level to keep him here and from not flipping out.

"Anyways Draco, I wanted to talk to you about taking back up the Cause. I have learned you have befriended Harry Potter, obviously for some type of devious plot. However, I'm sure it was not completely thought through, or very brilliant by any stretch of the imagination so from now on you will be working on my plan."

"Always as optimistic and nice about my strengths as ever. Usually you however, were the nicer of the two. I see old age has made you meaner. Or perhaps living in this dank dark shack, I really thought you had a better taste than this." Draco looked around the shack disdainfully taking in the mold and terrible smell wafting from the walls.

White knuckles protruding from the long dark robes clutched the arms of the chair and the scotch glass tightly showing the anger from the bearer beneath.

"On a budget of nothing, what I have scraped together has served my needs till now. Your first order is to withdraw money from your vault that I know is overflowing because of the stupid Ministry believing your little sap story."

"It was not a sap story. I did not weasel my way out. You know nothing about me now. You haven't for about five years. I barely saw you. I never knew where you were. You stopped sending stuff. What do you expect to become with your whole plan! Then next Dark Lord? That obviously doesn't work so I wouldn't suggest it. The whole take over the world as the Dark Lord and bring death and destruction is really getting old."

The hooded figure scoffed.

"Men are stupid. The 'Dark Lord' as he chose to call himself would never have gotten anywhere without me and Bella and the rest of our little group helping him along without his knowledge. Men are pathetic. Your father was the worst. People always thought he was the one in charge, running the show, but without me he would have been nothing. Personally, I'm hurt that you didn't show more enthusiasm at seeing your long lost mother, and the soon to be Dark Goddess. I will rule over men, witches, muggles, everything. My plan is not to destroy as those stupid single minded men thought to do. It is to conquer. Every era needs a great leader. I don't know what they planned to do with a completely destroyed Earth, what is the point in conquering if there is no one to do your bidding."

The cloaked figure threw back her hood to reveal none other than Narcissa Malfoy.

"Well hello mother, I was wondering when you'd take off that dreadful thing, black makes you look gothic. Anyways, if this craziness is all you have to say to me I'm leaving."

"You WILL sit!" She shot out her hand and the chair slammed into his knees making them buckle and him fall back into the chair. He was immediately bound to it.

"You do not leave until I dismiss you. You have work to do."

A/N: WHO KNEW IT WAS NARCISSA! Show of hands? Hehehe yay, the plan is coming together and she is a bit psychotic actually. Like an evil feminist. Oooh yay! I can't wait to keep going so many more surprises. Anyways, back to Harry and Hermione next chapter.

Much love,

CiCi


	12. Make Ups and Break Ups RATED R!

Disclaimer: Not mine except the plot and Drea

A/N: I'd just like to explain a little thing here. Drea is the daughter of Bellatrix illegitimately from before she got married aka she's a Malfoy. No one knew about her except Narcissa and she was sent away when she was a baby. **Anyways, as promised this chapter will have a detailed sex scene so if you don't like it DON'T READ IT! If you want to keep reading further chapters look for the summary of it on the next chapter and skip this one completely. **Thanks! So don't flame me it's your fault if you don't read my A/N first. So…on we go I hope you like it…

**Chapter 12 – Make Ups and Break Ups**

Hermione was finally done getting rid of every shred of evidence that Harry had ever lived there except for the empty spaces and the alcohol. She was tired and the strain was getting to her. She took a quick shower to revive herself and went to make herself a drink. She seemed to be doing too much of that lately but hey she deserved it she felt. Considering she had made a new crush who used to be an enemy, found out her husband was responsible for the death of her old love and best friend, found out he cheated on her with a skank, and had kicked him out in a span of not even half of a week the alcohol seemed highly deserved. Too many things had hit her at once, including a bimbo whore who had fucked her husband, although she had hit her harder first.

She took her Irish Cream into the living room to cozy up to the fire when someone walked through it. For a split second she thought it might be the blonde bimbo or Harry and she cursed herself for not shutting off the Floo network until she saw the distinctive l body covered in soot. She stood up quickly to help him steady himself.

'Draco! Are you okay? What are you doing here?" she fired questions at him rapidly and completely forgot she was angry at him.

"Drink. Strong. Very strong. Anything but scotch!" Draco mumbled half to himself.

Hermione bustled to the kitchen quite flustered by his sudden appearance. She got him a very strong rum and coke. Actually more rum and a couple of drops of coke mostly a colouring really.

She thrust it at him and he gulped it down and through the glass into the fireplace. She winced thinking of all of the kitchen ware she was going through but she didn't say anything sensing his bad mood.

"Draco.." she faltered, "What happened?"

He stood there for a minute with his back to her watching the fire but not seeming to see it. He was staring into nothing, completely in his own head. He didn't know how to start this conversation. For now he decided he wouldn't tell her about his mother. He didn't know what she would think, hell, he didn't know what he thought about it yet.

"Harry cheated on you. In my apartment. With my cousin." Was all he said.

"I know- wait! That was your cousin?" she turned beet red and turned around thinking of their conversation.

"You know! I'm sorry I didn't tell you before…but wait you met her? I didn't figure he'd bring her home. I'm going to kick his ass!"

"No, he didn't she showed up here. We…we didn't get along too well and she left…er…worse for wear."

He laughed at her embarrassment and could only imagine what Hermione did to her.

"Don't worry, I never liked her that much anyways. Plus, she probably deserved it. Actually, I know she deserved it she slept with Harry."

Hermione just continued to blush and was starting to feel worse about the whole day. Everything had just gotten too damn complicated. They all seemed to be tangled up together and she felt like she was missing a huge chunk of the story. She just wanted everything to sort itself out. She didn't want to be mixed up in it and the alcohol was making her feel funny. She hadn't felt this way for over three years and she just wanted to be near Draco and feel comforted. She never thought she would want to get near enough to whack him with a very heavy, metal, 10 foot pole, but things were different now.

Draco turned around and just looked at her. She felt small and undressed under his fierce gaze. She was surprised how the fierce look seemed so protective and compassionate. Almost like he was worried about her…and cared.

She was about to take a step forward when he beat her to it and swept her into a hard kiss. She screamed at herself inside but her body reacted to his touch immediately. His tongue wept her bottom lip seeking entrance desperately and she complied. Hungrily his tongue swept her mouth battling her own and feeling around deepening the kiss. They broke momentarily for air and plunged back together again. Her hands raked his back and she pulled herself closer as his own arms went around her small waist pulling her to him as well.

She pulled him towards the hallway and they bumped into walls as they passionately made their way up to her room. Their hands roamed each others bodies feeling every bit they could reach desperate for touch and feeling and compassion.

Slowly, and after much smashing into things they made their way to her bedroom still as violent as from the first second. Her hands ripped at his shirt pulling it over his head and he broke from her for a minute to help and then attached himself again not wanting to leave her for a second. His own hands searched her body and one roved to the edge of her shirt and he slowly moved his hand upwards giving her chills everywhere. He found the edge of her lacy black bra and slipped his hand underneath to tease her breast. He rubbed his thumb gently over her nipple causing it to perk immediately. He lightly pinched it and teased it between his fingers causing her to moan and gasp into his mouth. He edged his hand over to repeat the process on her other breast and gain another moan from her.

The little moans were doing wonders for Draco's excitement. She could feel him, thick, hard, and long even through their layers of clothing. She desperately wanted to see it and feel it. All thoughts of Harry were long swept out of her mind. Her own free hands worked at his belt. She was frantically trying to undo it but was having trouble because every couple seconds she would gasp under his touch and her mind would go blank completely forgetting the task at hand. Then, it would completely increase her need to undo his belt. He laughed softly into her mouth and with his one free hand he undid and took of his belt in a swift motion. She smiled a thanks into their kiss and continued with her efforts of removing all of his clothing.

With his once again free hand he tapped her side, a silent command for her to lift her back a little off of the bed and she readily complied, arching her back and pressing herself into him. With another practiced movement he snaked his free hand under the back of her shirt and unclasped her bra.

"Screw this." Hermione muttered and pushed him back a bit so she could whip off her shirt and bra.

He stared at her for a moment becoming harder by the second and then dove to suck on her beautiful round breasts. He kissed them gently and moved down again to suck the nipple into his mouth, still teasing the other with his hand. He sucked gently and then rolled his tongue around causing shivers to go through her body. He bit lightly and erotically to stimulate her even more and she moaned her pleasure.

Her own arms raced up his back, ran through his soft hair, and then down his arms. She hadn't felt this kind of pleasure in so long. Every single touch was making her more desperate to be completely filled. Her breathe came out in short gasps and she lifted her hips up and down rubbing her body slowly along the mass in his pants. He groaned into her breast. He could hardly wait but he wanted to pleasure her. He felt guilty for taking her so soon, and he also knew she hadn't felt this way in a very long time. He wanted to make it memorable.

Hermione however was barely containing herself. She wanted to flip him over and ride him like there was no tomorrow. She pushed his hips up from her gently so she could work again on his pants. She undid them with ease this time and slipped them down to his knees. He was wearing silk green boxers and she ran her hand along his manhood, slowly and sensually first, making him shudder, then harder.

With one last nibble he let her breast slip from his mouth and started kissing her neck, making her arch and working his way to nibble on her earlobe, and then returned back to her mouth. She continued to rub him, eliciting a muffled groan from him. She slipped her long thin fingers into his boxers to grab hold of his shaft completely. This time it was his turn to gasp.

He flipped the button on her jeans and pulled down the zipper. He tapped her hip again lightly and she lifted them so he could slip her pants off. She kicked them off the rest of the way. With her pants gone a black thong was revealed. Apparently she had been planning for something like this to happen. He slipped his hand under and felt her in all of her feminine glory as she continued to move her hand up and down over his dick, slowly tightening and going faster.

His fingers registered that she was already soaking wet for him. She had been desperate for this for too long. He rubbed her clit softly at first in slow circles increasing her level of horniness and prolonging the experience. Still working circles he quickly slipped two fingers into her making her give her loudest groan yet. Her pussy was tight and warm. She wasn't a virgin of course but it had been a very very long time. He increased the pressure on her clit and slowly pushed his fingers in and out and then escalated. In return she increased the speed on his cock, placing her fingers in all of the right parts to make him harder than he thought possible.

He could feel her muscles clenching on his fingers and he to was having a hard time containing himself. He didn't want to finish her this way. Not their first time and he didn't think he could hold it much longer. After one final thrust he withdrew his fingers and she groaned from the absence. She needed to be filled and she knew he wanted to as well. She just had one thing on her mind first.

She wriggled up and faced him then bent over slowly, spreading her legs into the perfect doggy style position as she lowered her mouth over his cock. He gasped at the touch of her tongue and gazed longingly at her perfect round ass. He wanted to flip her the other way and pound her madly in that position, making her scream in pain and pleasure but he knew there was still time to that and he was enjoying the wonderful things she was doing with her tongue.

She first worked her tongue slowly down his shaft and then took him completely in her mouth and bobbing a couple of times. She didn't want him to cum this way, just excite him and lube up for her. She finally released and blew gently on the tip making him squirm.

He pushed her shoulders backwards slowly and leaned her backwards onto the bed. This time, they would do it the 'normal' way. Missionary. They had time for others. All night if he was correct. But first, he had to reciprocate for her. He edged his way down, running his hands down her legs then back up to tickle her inner thighs and spread her legs, which she did quite willingly. He leaned his head down and touched his tongue to her inner thigh, running it up slowly to her clit. He alternated between rapidly flicking his tongue against her click at nibbling at her labia. She moaned in pure delight and grabbed the headboard tightly to keep from squirming under his every touch. She wrapped her legs around his neck and he pushed his tongue deep inside of her licking up her juices. She unwrapped her legs and pulled his neck up to her kissing him hard. His dick rubbed against her stomach and she couldn't contain it anymore. She needed him in her and he needed to fill her.

He placed the tip right at her entrance, teasing her, and giving her one last chance to stop it. In response she thrust herself onto him pushing him deep inside of her. He gasped slightly in shock and she whimpered at the shock of the pain and at the perfect feeling of being fully complete. He pulled back slowly and pressed back in a little further, taking it slow and making her go crazy with want. He could barely hold himself back either but he loved the way she squirmed and writhed and clawed at his back with her nails needing him, all of him.

Suddenly he jack hammered into her making her scream in ecstasy as he buried himself in her. He pulled her legs up and put them over his arms and spreading her legs farther so he could go in as far as possible. He continued slowly for a minute and got faster enjoying her moans and whimpers and scratches.

Hermione was in heaven. It was painfully amazing. He was huge! Not only that he was good at what he did. She could feel herself building up, ready to explode.

He started to go faster and harder into her slamming her. She braced her arms against the headboard to take all of his pressure and screamed his name. She matched his rhythm and lifted her hips to meet him making the impact even harder. She moaned and screamed, neither had ever felt better. Finally after a long repetition of this she let out a long scream and he let out a huge groan. Light exploded behind her eyes as they simultaneously came in a great crescendo.

He collapsed on top of her, both of them breathing very heavily, and her still giving out the occasional whimper. They lay there for a few minutes with him still inside of her. He just lay on her chest and listened to her heartbeat and they steadied their breathing. This continued for about fifteen minutes.

"Up for a repeat in the shower?" Hermione panted.

He grinned as a reply and exited from her. He stood up and swept her bride style off of the bed and carried her to the en-suite bathroom.

* * *

After recovering from the shock Harry had sat on his porch with his bottle of fireball whiskey (avoiding the bloody areas) and he had drank himself until he passed out. He was woken up by screams. Hermione screaming. It was coming from HIS bedroom window, and it didn't sound like the panicked sort of scream, it sounded like one of those 'I'm getting my brains fucked out of me' screams. Disgusted he picked up his bottle and started to walk away to no where in particular.

A/N: Well…that was very descriptive. I hope you liked it. Uh…yeh that's all I think I have to say.

Much love

CiCi


	13. More People in the Mix

Disclaimer: Not mine except the plot, and Drea, and well anything not in the real books.

A/N: Well, sorry for not updating in a while, I've been pretty busy. I hope you liked my last chapter. But it was very graphic and for those of you who didn't want to read that kind of thing here's a short summary: Hermione and Draco 'do it' and Harry hears her out the window after drinking himself into a stupor and now is off who knows where. Sadly it took me pages and pages to write something that I just summarized in a sentence but ah well. So…here we go…but no this isn't a graphic chapter except for perhaps some swearing so minors feel free to read.

**Chapter 13 – More People in the Mix**

Hermione and Draco were exhausted and had laid down finally to try and get some sleep on her big King size four post bed. She felt better than she had in a very long time and was content to just lie there drifting in and out of consciousness. However, that was not to be when a startled shriek came from the bedroom doorway. Hermione sat up quickly and bumped heads with Draco as he did the same thing.

"What the FUCK!" shrieked the voice from the doorway.

"Ginny! Wha-what are you doing here?" Hermione stuttered out, shocked and embarrassed by the situation and her nudity. She yanked the covers up around herself and after noticing Draco didn't seem to be moving yanked them up over him as well.

"Well, I owled you days ago and told you to come by the Burrow and I didn't hear back from you and you didn't show up. That's not like you and I was worried. I thought maybe you were sick or something, which I still think I'm right about. Like what the fuck are you doing! Did he jinx you or something!"

Ginny scowled at Draco malevolently before turning her attention back to Hermione who was blushing profusely.

"Ginny, I…well I don't know what to say, but no he didn't jinx me. But…but…well…Harry cheated on me first!" she whined.

"Oh! So that makes it all right? Having a non-monogamous relationship now are we? Real mature Hermione. You were supposed to be the smart one, heaven knows no one ever accused Harry of being smart." Ginny shot back with contempt.

Hermione was flustered, and angry at the whole situation. Less than a minute ago she had been feeling great, now Ginny had come in and wrecked it all, yet she knew in the back of her mind Ginny was right. Draco was also feeling guilty. He had known she was in a fragile and needy mood and yet he had used that to his advantage. Maybe he should have backed off…Nah! They were the best shags of his life! Then he proceeded to try and not feel guilty, remembering how good she had felt as well.

"Look Gin, let me get dressed and we'll go to your place and chat and what not. I'm sure Draco won't mind." She gave him a glare daring him to argue.

Draco did mind but decided to just nod in agreement due to the death glare of warning she was giving him.

"Yes shoo Weasel unless you'd like to see me in the buff again."

Ginny blushed and Hermione scowled even deeper. Ginny also noticed the look on Hermione's face and left the room quickly shutting the door behind her.

"I'll be back in a bit I promise. You can stay here, make yourself at home. I'm sorry but she's one of the real friends I have left and I want to explain everything to her. I'll see you tonight." Hermione said all of this quickly and kissed him before starting to get dressed.

Draco just sighed and leaned back into the bed feeling ditched and bored. The bed felt very empty without her beside him.

Once Hermione was dressed she called Ginny back in and they disappeared into the fireplace, not before Ginny cast Draco another mistrusting look. Draco lounged about for a couple minutes then whipped himself up a cocktail and a book. No point in getting dressed if Hermione was coming back later.

* * *

Harry wandered the dark streets aimlessly. He felt terrible. He had a wicked headache and everything about his life was going down the drain. It had sucked before but now…it was hopeless. He had nothing. He had segregated himself from his friends and the world so he had no where to go. So, he went to the one place he knew would always be around for him: a bar. He stared up blearily at the phosphorescent glow from the sign over the door. He hadn't realized he had stumbled into muggle London during his trek. The bar was called 'The Big Dipper' and it seemed cheesy and cheap, which was good since Harry only carried a little muggle money with him incase he decided to go to a muggle bar.

He wandered in and took a stool near the end of the bar. A wizened, old, scruffy looking bartender ambled towards him.

"What can I get ya mate?" he wheezed.

"Whiskey sour. Big." Harry mumbled.

The bartender looked at his robes suspiciously but gracefully said nothing. All sorts came in here and Harry was not the weirdest looking by far. Harry continued drinking for an hour or so and was staring remotely at the floor and bottom of the stool beside him when a pair of graceful, tanned, long, toned legs came into his view. At first he thought he was delusional and goggled at the sight in front of him until the woman cleared her throat at him pointedly.

He looked up and jumped back in shock.

"You! Wha-what are you doing here! You shouldn't be here! You're not a muggle. If Draco sees he's going to kill me!" Harry practically yelled at her.

The people in the bar stared at Harry in shock. He was acting like the extremely sexy woman in front of him was the plague. They all looked more closely at her testing to see if they were just extremely drunk or if she was good looking. No, she really was hot.

"Oh, I was just in the neighbourhood," she replied, "and I figured I'd stop for a drink. Fancy meeting you here. Oh and I doubt you have to worry about Draco, I hear he's…preoccupied to say the least, with someone you know quite well." Drea grinned at him evily.

Harry could feel his blood boiling. He was angry, more angry than he had been in a very very long time. He wanted to do anything to hurt her and him. He wanted to put his hands around Hermione's long, thin, pale neck and throttle her. But no, he didn't want to hurt her. Not that way at least. He wanted to hurt her emotionally. He would continue this vicious emotional battle and he would win. If she wanted to play that way so be it.

"Would you like to go for a walk uh..Ms..?"

"It's Drea. And I thought you'd never ask." She smiled playfully at him and hooked her arm through his leading him.

Harry threw some money on the bar and went with her. As they stepped out into the cooler air he realized he was more drunk than he thought. She led him purposefully and he lost track of where they were.

"Uh, Drea…where are we-"

"Shhh," she interrupted, "just trust me."

He fell quiet and let her lead him assuming they were heading for her place. He looked around a couple of times and noticed they were getting farther and farther out of the city. He stumbled a couple of times and she gripped his arm more tightly and dug her fingernails into him. It was really starting to hurt, and that was saying something considering how intoxicated he was.

She led him into a dark place and he could barely make out a thing. He heard a door opening and felt the change between ground and floor under his feet. He felt blind yet she seemed to see perfectly. She led him into another room and released his arm as she went to close the door.

A wand was ignited from the center of the room and he was blinded by the sudden shock.

"Harry, how nice of you to join us. I'm glad you could make it to our little soiree."

Harry recoiled even farther in shock at the woman sitting on the chair in front of him that he could now make out dimly as his eyes adjusted. He whirled around to the door but found Drea there with her wand withdrawn and pointing at him. He desperately searched his robes for his wand.

"Looking for this?" Drea sneered and pulled out his wand.

"How…how did you get that! Give it back!"

She laughed wildly.

"No Harry dear, I don't think I will. You're going to stay here for a while I think."

He was in shock, he tried to shake off the booze and focus, look for a way out. He registered the woman behind him saying something, and then the world went black.

A/N: Soooo…what's going to happen to Harry? And why didn't they kill him immediately? What are the plans? Only I know, and you shall find out. **Grins evilly**

Much Love

CiCi


	14. Girls Just Want to Have Fun

Disclaimer: I wish it were mine, but if it were I wouldn't be sitting here listening to music out of only one earphone completely sober.

A/N: I'm sooo sorry, I've been in trouble and away and in New York and everywhere I haven't been able to write but I'm back on it tonight! So…here it comes…

**Chapter 14 – Girls Just Want to Have Fun**

Ginny was spread eagled on her bed trying to absorb all this new information. Hermione perched restlessly on the edge of the bed waiting for Ginny to comment.

"Harry and I were never meant to be together, I guess I always knew he was in love with you, but I didn't want to admit it to myself. I've never regretted breaking up with him, I've got a great life and I'm not complaining, but I guess it still hurts to think he loved you so much he killed my brother and never had a second thought about me."

"Gin…I don't know what to say…would you like…a gin?"

"On the rocks most definitely." Ginny replied giving her best friend a grin.

Hermione once again thought about how often she was getting drunk and wondered if she'd turn out like Harry, but she quickly dismissed the thought, it had been a tough couple days, she deserved it.

Her reservations were completely gone in about an hour as the two girls sang Christmas carols swaying back and forth on the bed with their arms draped over each other. They giggled madly and made up dirty lyrics that didn't necessarily make a lot of sense, or rhyme but included random words such as : 'balls', 'puss', 'boobs' etc.

* * *

Harry stared blearily at the blonde in front of him. This couldn't be happening.

"I thought you were dead." He mumbled trying to pull himself together and think of a way to escape.

"You thought wrong, probably because your gender is completely idiotic and simple minded. You didn't even figure out that Drea lied and never slept with you. She would never dirty herself with a man. Men are scum. Women are the gender of the future." Narcissa replied fussily.

"Why am I here then? What do you want from me? Why would you make up a lie like that? Why would you do that to me!" Harry ranted, feeling completely stupid.

"Good grief, why do men think everything is about them! This has nothing to do with you, you are too pathetic to kill, at least yet. We don't care about you. You are just a vessel. I wouldn't care if you were Joe Schmo Crack Addict Skitzo, as long as he had the friends you have."

"Look, if this is about Draco, get him yourself, you're his mother. Anyways, he's not too happy with me at the moment thanks to you two."

Narcissa shrieked with impatience. "SHUTUP! Honestly you are the most talkative drunk I've ever met. I've already seen my son, and as I've already told you men are idiots. I'll let him live of course, for reproduction purposes only but he is not what I want."

"Okay then psycho bitch, don't get your knickers in a twist. Who the hell are you talking about then?" Harry tripped over his words trying to put two and two together.

"Do you not know! Men must be more idiotic than I thought! Hermione and Ginny! Our Seers tell us that they are the unbeatable pair. Together they can take over the world with us at their side. The world of women will rule and virtually all men will be annihilated. Do you think Voldemort or Lucius could have gotten anywhere without me and Bella? No! They need women. We let them act like they were in charge but not anymore. Without men the world will be safe." She said all of this regally and with conviction.

Harry stared at her struck dumb. How could women live without men? What crazy biatch thought of this first! Men weren't THAT stupid…were they? NO! Hermione and Ginny would never go for it would they?

"You're crazy, you could never convince Ginny she's a horny little firecracker! Trust me I dated her. And from what I hear from Drea-hoe over there so is Hermione. Not that I would remember…" he grumbled inwardly.

"There are solutions for that problem. Plus, we'll keep Draco for emergencies for them. Let me at either of them for 10 minutes and they will change their minds about men." Drea suddenly spoke up from behind him. She licked her lips. Harry shuddered, this girl had a crazy glint in her eyes that made Harry want to protect his sensitive areas.

"Well, you haven't even told me how I'm part of this at all. You said I'm stupid and useless so what am I here for?" Harry challenged.

"Well, now that you hate Hermione and she hates you it will be easy for you to kidnap her for us. We could never hurt our Queen and she would never come to us. You need to set up a meeting with them both and we will do the rest. Now that Hermione and Ginny are pissed at men in general it will be easier."

"Why the hell would I do this for you guys!" Harry demanded.

"You wouldn't. But you don't have a choice. You have riddled your body with alcohol and you are weak. You can't fight the Imperius curse anymore." Narcissa grinned evilly.

Before Harry could even gasp Narcissa had cast the spell and sat back satisfied. Drea shuffled impatiently from the corner.

"Don't worry Drea, you'll have your turn with the girls soon, for now however you have to take him back to wherever you found him as his brain is a little addled at the moment."

She looked at the now blank Harry with contempt.

"Harry, once you are normal again I want you to go to Draco's flat and wait for other commands. Now get out of my sight, its dirty enough in here without man scum and cooties infesting this place."

* * *

Mrs. Weasly walked up the stairs dusting as she went. She knocked twice on Ginny's bedroom door but didn't get a response so she walked in to tidy up. She found two passed out girls on the bed. She sighed to herself, "Oh my, I always wondered about Percy, but I never figured Ginny played for the other team. I'll have to suggest some groups and get her some books to make her feel like I understand. Now what am I going to get her for Christmas? I thought the male stripper was a good idea…" she continued muttering to herself as she backed out the door and decided to ask the twins for help, they seemed to know plenty about lesbians due to their vacation pictures.

A/N: I'm not making fun of gays or lesbians here. I've experimented lol jkz. Nah I've known gays and lesbians, cool people. It's just a story don't flip on me. I just thought a man free world would be wonderful and depressing at the same time. Which is worse, stupider or no man parts? What are your thoughts on the matter?


	15. Mushu Pork

Disclaimer: Unless J.K. is secretly my clone, which I seriously doubt due to the physical and mental differences, Harry Potter is still not mine.

A/N: I'm so disappointed! NOOO reviews! cries I know it was a cruel chapter to guys but it's all jokes. I have a great bf I love that I make fun of way too much, but I couldn't live without him so this is dedicated to him so guys don't be angry at my feminist chapter, and girls I hope you're laughing along with me. Anyways, on with the show…

**Chapter 15 – Mushu Pork**

Hermione woke with a jolt, and sat up abruptly, expecting to see Draco beside her, so she was obviously shocked when she saw Ginny's red tussled hair poking out from under the sheets.

"Woah! That was a shock and a half. I totally forgot I came here. Oh shit! Draco must be wondering where I am by now1" Hermione muttered to herself looking at her watch.

She jumped up and scoured the room for her purse. She found it and debated on whether or not to wake up Ginny. She decided not to, waking up Ginny could be hazardous to your health especially if there was anything heavy around her she could throw at you. Hermione figured she'd owl her later and she Flooed back to her house.

She stepped through her fireplace into her bedroom and immediately noticed Draco was missing.

"Uh Draco? Are you here?" she called out tentatively.

She heard a couple of crashes and bangs emitting from downstairs so she went down wondering what Draco was up to. She poked her head into the dining room and noticed the table set up elegantly with the china they had bought, roses, and candles. _Awwww so_ _cute! _She though inwardly and made her way to the kitchen. The scene in there however, was pure chaos. Draco was standing amidst piles of dirty pots and cutlery with her frilly pink apron on, but it was singed and appeared to still be smoking. He wore oven mitts as he tried to stir a pot of orange mush. She tried desperately to restrain her giggles but she just couldn't help herself. He turned around at the noise and looked at her sheepishly and very peeved.

"Haha hun…what the hell are you doing?" Hermione giggled.

"Well, see, I know you don't like the house elves to do much, and I thought it would be much more romantic if I made something myself. I started off with a cookbook but all of those ended in disaster. Then I found this box and the instructions looked so easy. This damn muggle stove is a pain in the ass though. Gas! Gas I say what are we in the Medieval era!"

Hermione was laughing hysterically. Draco had bits of everything he had tried to cook all over the kitchen and himself. She looked into the pot to see what he was trying to make.

"Kraft Dinner! What did you do to it! It looks like cat sick!"

"Well thanks so much for the confidence boost. Maybe I just can't cook. What do muggles do then!"

"It's an easy three step process I learned from a young age. Watch the master work."

She went over to the phone and dialed for Chinese food. After placing her order she hung up and rummaged in her purse for muggle money. "Tada! We'll have mediocre food in 30 minutes or it's free. Now I'll be right back I've got to take some of the muggle wards off of this place. Oh, and please take off that ridiculous apron, unless you have something to tell me concerning your sexual preferences."

Draco blushed and tried to yank it off quickly, but mostly was just choking himself in the process.

Half an hour later they were both sitting at the dining room table with piles of Chinese food boxes around them. Draco immediately picked up a pair of chopsticks and dug in.

"How do you do that?" Hermione asked wonderingly.

"What? Eat? It's quite a simple process actually, I put food in my mouth and chew and –"

"No! Smartass! Use chopsticks! I never could figure them out." She held the chopsticks awkwardly in her hands and made a stabbing motion to try and pick up a piece of mushu pork.

"Ah, finally, something Hermione can not do! Well, it's easy once you get the hang of it. I spent three years in Taiwan going to school and my father had business all throughout Asia. I am fluent in Mandarin and Cantonese, moderate in Korean, and know a few useful words in Japanese such as 'beer', 'bar', 'hot', and 'my place or yours'." He grinned devilishly at her.

"Malfoy, you really are full of surprises aren't you." She gave him a look of admiration he had never seen coming from her. It took him by surprise and he looked away.

Hermione put down her chopsticks as useless and picked up a knife and fork. Halfway through the meal they were disturbed by the fireplace glowing green and a person stepping through.

"Harry! What are you doing here?" Hermione shrieked in panic and guilt.

"I wanted to talk to you. I understand you are…busy…at the moment but here is the directions to the place I am staying and the time I would be grateful that you would show up." With that brief sentence he placed an envelope on the table and walked back through the fireplace not once even glancing in Draco's direction. He spoke in a monotone voice and didn't even seem to be mildly intoxicated.

"That was odd." Hermione mumbled.

"Something is fishy about this Hermione. He acted like he already knew I was here. I don't trust him. He didn't even look drunk. I thought for sure he'd be lying in a ditch passed out by now…it doesn't seem like him." Draco said suspiciously.

"Yes, well, maybe he realized what a problem that has been. I don't know. But come on, it's Harry. He may be a drunk and a cheater but he's harmless really. Plus we do have to talk, about the divorce and all."

Draco's heart skyrocketed. He had figured they were over but she hadn't mentioned anything about a divorce and an inkling of himself had worried she would get back together with Harry.

"Okay, but I want to come with you, this is all just too fishy." Draco commented.

"Thanks for the concern, but really, I think that would just make matters worse. Harry is harmless but he has quite a temper. I don't want you two fighting. I'm a big girl I can take care of myself. Anyways, I was always a better witch than him, if it get's out of control I'll just knock him out and come back." Hermione noticed the look of distrust on Draco's face and added "Trust me. I'll be fine."

He sighed and nodded reluctantly. Hermione picked up the envelope and read the note quickly.

"Okay, it says he wants to meet at 8, so we have plenty of time to finish up here and then we can do whatever you want." She continued consolingly.

"_Whatever_ I want?" he quirked his eyebrow and smiled coyly.

"Yes, whatever you want. However you want. Wherever you want." She grinned back.

"I'm full!" he announced immediately and pushed his chair back. She giggled and they ran upstairs hand in hand.

* * *

The fire in Ginny's room lit up green and Harry stepped through.

"Ginny. Ginny! GINNY!" he yelled at the lump on the bed.

"MMrfghmphhh" she groaned back.

"Ginny! Wake-" Harry started then stopped as a ceramic statue whizzed past his head. He ducked and dodged as pillows and other objects within her reach came soaring his way. He dropped a letter on her dresser and ran back into the fireplace, barely being missed by an empty bottle.

An hour later Ginny rolled out of bed and landed on the floor with a thunk.

"O my fuckin' head! I'm never doing that again." She glared around the room as though it had made her drink.

She spotted the note lying on her dresser and reached up lazily to grab it. She read it quickly with a quizzical look.

"Why would Harry want to talk to me?" she wondered. She debated about not going but decided she was too curious not too. She grabbed a towel and headed off to the shower to try and wake up.

She was stopped in the hallway by her mother.

"Ginny, I just wanted to say that I fully support your decision, and if there is anything I can do to make you feel accepted I'm willing to help. I got a bunch of brochures on the matter I'm sure would make you feel better." Mrs.Weasly smiled kindly at her daughter and Ginny looked back confused.

"Uh, thanks Mom? I didn't know Harry told you about this." She wondered how her mother knew about the meeting before she did and even more what the brochures were about but she didn't push it and continued heading to the shower.

Ginny started undressing and turned on the shower. She glanced down at the pamphlets in her hands. The first one was entitled 'Are you a Lesbian? It's OKAY! You're not alone!'

Mrs. Weasly heard the scream all the way downstairs.

"What the FUCK! MOM WE NEED TO TALK!"

"Oh dear, I wonder what I did wrong." Mrs.Weasly mused to herself and picked up her book 'What to do when your Daughter is a Lesbian'.

* * *

A/N: Okay, so next chapter is the meeting. What are Ginny and Hermione going to do? I know! Anyways, pleeaasseee review they make me so happy. Thanks to all my readers anyways.

Much Love,

CiCi


	16. Craziness

Disclaimer: Would you believe it if I told you I was J.K.? Didn't think so, so it's obviously not mine. :(

A/N: Only two reviews! I know I didn't give either of them that much time but still! Come on! I'd like to know what people think. I'll be your buddy:) Anyways, on with the show.

**Chapter 16 – Craziness**

Hermione flittered around her room nervously, watched by an amused Draco who was lolling on the bed. She was running around trying to find matching earrings and matching socks. She inspected herself in her floor length mirror and distractedly pulled at her shirt to make it settle better.

"Why are you so nervous about impressing him? He was your husband for what? Like 2 and a half years? Anyways, what are you trying to do get him to jump your bones? Jeez." Draco muttered peevishly.

"Jealous are we Drakie-poo?" Hermione giggled at his disgruntled face.

"No...and oh no not the pet names already. I'm going to need a lot more sugar to put up with that kind of thing." He grinned impishly.

She swatted him lightly on the head as she walked by.

"I don't know why I'm so nervous. I want to look confident so he won't walk all over me but I don't want to look like a bitch. Now which shoes show that!" She held a pair of black pumps in one hand and a pair of white sandals in the other.

"What the hell is the difference? How can a shoe be bitchy? I have unusually good style for a man but shoes are not my area of expertise. If you really want my advice I'd say wear a burlap sack and go barefoot, I don't want Harry getting any ideas." He wrapped his arms around her waist protectively.

She grinned to herself. It had been so long since anyone had cared for her.

She feigned impatience and said, "Could you let me out of this stranglehold please? I can't stay here forever you know."

Draco looked up at the clock on the wall, "It's only 7:30…we have some time…"

* * *

20 MINUTES LATER

"Damn it Draco, now I have to get dressed again."

* * *

Ginny on the other hand was bored out of her mind waiting around for the time to leave. She had taken a week off from her position at the Ministry because she had been getting too swamped with work, but now she found she had nothing to do. By the time she had woken up, had a shower, eaten something and gotten dressed there was no time in the day to go out and there was nothing to do at home. She had tried talking to her mother about the lesbian situation but her mother had just nodded and smiled at her in fake agreement. She knew her mother didn't believe her at all so there was no point arguing with her for the rest of the night.

She paced around her room. She, like Hermione, had spent plenty of time on her appearance. She wanted to look sassy and independent. Sort of like 'Ha! I didn't need you anyways asshole so there!' She wanted to show Harry everything he had given up. She didn't particularly miss him or ever truly love him, but getting dumped for your best friend hurts, even three years later.

She hooked her biggest most expensive diamond necklace around her neck and a cute ankle bracelet on her ankle (of course). Her job paid well but her stocks in her brothers store had really brought in the cash. Secretly, she also created items for her brothers and got a portion of the sales. The only reason she lived at home was because her mother would flip. Plus, if she lived on her own there would be no one to kill spiders for her. Like her brother, spiders were her biggest weakness. She had spent a week sleeping on the couch when she saw a spider in her room and after she brought her mother back to kill it it had disappeared.

Finally, it was five minutes to eight so she decided to Apparate to the destination. She arrived in what appeared to be the middle of a forest. She shuddered at the thought of what could be living in here, she had heard about her brother and Harry's experience with the Acromantula in the Forbidden Forest. Just as she was wondering where she should go and what she should do, Hermione appeared about five feet away from her with a 'pop'.

"Hey 'Mione. What are you doing here? I thought you and Harry weren't on speaking terms, unless that was all an elaborate dream." She thought back at seeing Draco in the buff and was very grateful Hermione wasn't a Legilimens or there would probably have been a very girly bitch fight.

"Harry just showed up acting all weird and asked me to meet him here at 8. I figured he deserved that at least, and we do have things to talk about I guess. Do you know where we are supposed to go?" she asked tentatively peering into the gloom.

"No clue, I was asleep when Harry showed up. This meeting almost didn't happen since I almost took off his head with some ceramics." She giggled.

"Woah! Wait, is that a house over there?" Hermione asked peering deeper into the forest trying to decipher the image in the gloom.

"I think so…you think that's where we're supposed to go?" Ginny asked nervously.

"Well there doesn't seem to be anything else around here so I'd guess so." Hermione tried to act confident and walk towards it, but the place was giving her a bad vibe.

The two girls headed towards what looked like a rotting log with a door. They stepped through the open door and looked around. A light was shining from a far room down the hall. The two girls glanced nervously at each other. Suddenly, the door swung shut and an audible click told them it locked. The light at the end of the hall went out.

"Girrrls. I am so very pleased you could join us. Sorry for this but it is for your own good. _Petrificus Totalus!_"

Ginny and Hermione froze and crashed to the floor.

_Damn, pumps are sooo not an adventure, fighting, running shoe. _Hermione thought.

_FUCK FUCK FUCK THIS SUCKS. PFT THEY BETTER NOT TAKE MY NECKLACE IT TOOK ME 6 MONTHS TO SAVE UP FOR._ Thought Ginny.

* * *

A/N: Not a very funny chapter but informative nonetheless. The next chapter will have more humour and more adventure yippee! Pleasseee review!

Much Love,

CiCi


	17. Crazy Bitches

Disclaimer: For the 17th time, it's not mine.

A/N: Okay, I was disappointed by the lack of reviews AGAIN! Why does no one review? Seriously, it makes me sad. Even if it bored you let me knooww please! Anyways, things are going to get crazy soon so let's get on with it.

**Chapter 17 – Bitch Fights**

Draco paced around Hermione's bedroom, pissed off and worried. It was 11:30 and there had been no word from Hermione since she left. The bedroom door open and Draco spun around frantically.

"Would Master Malfoy like something sirs?" squeaked Neeby from the doorway.

Frustrated, Draco snapped, "No I wouldn't like something unless you have Hermione locked up in a closet somewhere, in which case I'd like her back. However, I seriously doubt that, unless this is some kinky hide and seek game, so please leave me alone!"

The house elf looked taken aback and very unsure of what to say, and who can blame him really.

"Would Master be liking a drink sir? Neeby knows where Master hideses what he doesn't want Misses to find." Neeby spluttered nervously.

Draco debated for a moment, "Yes, actually, and stop calling that bastard 'Master' he is not going to be around anymore. Please bring me some Firewhiskey."

The house elf bobbed nervously and left the room, thankful that at least this Master didn't throw things, at least not yet.

* * *

Hermione and Ginny were brought into a room where they were tied to chairs and had their wands confiscated. They were released from _Petrificus Totalus_ and a light flickered on above them. Immediately, they noticed three things, two robed figures by the door, Harry sitting with a glazed look on his face completely unbound, and the fact that they were not tied to plain chairs as they thought, but golden jewel encrusted thrones.

"Fucking bastard! How could you do this to us Harry!" Hermione shrieked. Harry remained silent, looking completely disinterested.

Ginny sat fuming silently, searching the room for a place to escape.

One of the hooded figures spoke suddenly, "Lady Ginny," she bowed, "there is no point looking around for an escape. We will let you go of course, but we wish to talk to you first."

"Who are you and what do you want with us? And why are you calling me lady? If you could see me at my kickboxing class you wouldn't call me that anymore." Ginny snapped.

"Oh we know of your skills Lady Ginny. And as soon as the coronation is completed you will be Queen Ginny."

"Pft! Why does she get to be the Queen? I'm smarter!" Hermione hissed then kicked herself inwardly.

"Hey! I'm just as smart as you! And I could kick your ass!" Ginny shrieked back.

"Oh yeh? Bring it on biatch! Do you want to take this outside? Anyways, which one of us got the guy?"

"OH! Low blow! It's already been brought! Come here! Come here and I'll whupp your ASS!"

The two girls struggled in their bonds trying to get at each other.

Narcissa and Drea rolled their eyes exasperatedly.

"Girls. Girls! SHUTUP!" Yelled Narcissa impatiently.

Ginny and Hermione scowled at each other then looked at the hooded figures.

"You will BOTH be Queens, once we complete the Plan." Narcissa continued.

Narcissa and Drea dropped their hoods and bowed low to the two girls. It took a couple seconds for the whole situation to register in their minds, but as soon as it did Hermione exploded.

"I thought you were dead? And why should I trust you blonde bimbo! You slept with my husband and came to my house to rub it in my face!" Hermione shrieked and struggled with her bonds even harder.

"I'm sorry my Lady, but that was necessary. Don't worry I never actually touched him, I would never touch man scum, but the scam was necessary. We needed you to be mad at him so we could dispose of him as is needed for the plan to succeed. Also, we needed him to draw you out of your very protected house. We found out very soon that you never went anywhere with him and there was no plausible excuse for him to ask you to come here. We didn't want to hurt you, or have the Aurors alerted, so it needed to be well planned." Drea respectfully bowed her head. "Oh, and did I mention, you two look really hot struggling in those bonds." She bit her lower lip, "Cissy can I **please** play with them now!" Drea looked hungrily and longingly at the two girls.

Hermione and Ginny recoiled slightly, unsure about this new comment.

"No! You can not 'play' with them yet. They will come to you soon enough, but until then you must restrict yourself." Narcissa glared and Drea pouted sexily.

"Okay, so far, all you've told us about this 'plan' is that Harry dies, we're Queens, and Drea is a horny lesbian. Sounds brilliant." Ginny drawled sarcastically.

"Oh no no. Sorry, I have not fully explained everything. Not only Harry will die, but the entire male race. It is the female's time to rise. You see, it all began with Joan of Arc. She was not crazy, nor did she communicate with God, she was a Seer. Unfortunately, her Sight could not protect her from her untimely execution. However, before her death she predicted – well it was a very long prediction so I'll sum it up. Basically, she predicted that two witches (who we have tracked to be you two), if reunited and bound by the goal together, could take over the world and create a world for the female race." Narcissa gazed off in to the distance dreaming of that world longingly.

"Are you crazy? Or did you just get dumped tons as a kid?" Ginny asked amazed.

"Yeah, come on! That world would last for one decade. I figured you knew this since you have a kid and all but you need a man and a woman to make babies. Plus, your son is a guy if you hadn't noticed. And anyways, no girls would go for this, men are needed for at least one thing. Now could you please untie us? I need room to pace. You guys have the wands anyways." Hermione commented still dumbstruck.

Narcissa waved her wand absentmindedly and the two girls jumped up quickly to stretch their legs and rub their sore wrists as Narcissa continued.

"Oh, well you see, by sheer dumb luck, you and Draco hooked up to which I am still confused but pleased about. He will live for reproduction and sexual purposes for the two of you if and when you desire it. Also, I'm sure he will produce at least one male heir from one of you to carry on his legacy." Narcissa grinned.

Ginny half grinned back and Hermione shot her a dangerous look. "What do you mean 'we'? Certainly Ginny would not want to be with my guy?" Hermione glared.

"Well…maybe we should think about this Hermione…" Ginny ventured warily and Narcissa and Drea beamed.

"WHAT! I KNEW YOU WANTED DRACO I SAW THE WAY YOU LOOKED AT HIM!" Hermione shrieked.

The two girls jumped at each other, slapping in a very girly manner and scratching, and hair pulling. Shrieking and swearing they tackled each other to the ground. Narcissa and Drea jumped into action pulling them apart.

"Please! Girls! I am sure you two will work this out. Now, I don't want to blackmail you two but we need you to make the Unbreakable Vow that you will talk to no one about this plan but amongst yourselves and to Draco if he makes the Vow as well, and to return in a month or less with your decision."

Hermione and Ginny looked at each other unsure. But, what could be the harm in those promises? They weren't committing themselves to the plan and it would give them time to think of a way out of the predicament. They nodded. After the Vows were made Narcissa handed back their wands and bowed. Hermione immediately Apparated back to her house but Ginny lingered there for a minute.

"Is there something you would like my Lady?" Drea asked excitedly.

"Uh, yeah, I was wondering if you could…um…you know…show me what it would be like with only girls to…as you put it 'play with'." Ginny asked nervously, feeling embarrassed.

"It would be my pleasure!" Drea said giddily.

* * *

1 HOUR LATER

Ginny lay sweaty and panting. "Oh my gosh! My mom was right! I'm BI! And I love it!"

* * *

Hermione ran through the house looking for Draco. It was now 1 am according to her watch. She found him in the kitchen looking worse for wear.

"Hermione! What did he do to you!" He stood up abruptly and drunkenly, knocking over the chair in his haste to get to her.

"Nothing, nothing. I'm fine."

Draco ran over to her inspecting her for bruises and cuts, which he found thanks to her fight with Ginny.

"I'm going to fucking kill him!" Draco shouted.

"No…it wasn't Harry. Me and Ginny fought. And, we met your Mom and cousin…" Hermione trailed off looking at his expression.

"Ah, shit." Draco said and sat down dejectedly on the floor.

* * *

A/N: SOOO, what do you think of this plan? Will they accept? Hehe I know! Anyways, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!

Much love,

CiCi


	18. Whipped Cream

Disclaimer: Not mine…still

A/N: What is with this no reviewing thing? Is it contagious? Anything would be good, "Good job" or "This sucks", whatever your opinion is. I love opinions…please? Anyways, this is when the story gets more adventurous I guess. So, on with the show.

**Chapter 18 – Whipped Cream**

Draco sat down with a thunk. He stared dejectedly into the fire and avoided Hermione's eyes.

"Woud'ja like a drink?" he slurred and waved the Firewhiskey bottle in her direction. When he didn't hear a slosh he looked blurrily at the bottle.

"Never mind then it's all gone. There's a whole frickin' closet of the stuff over there behind the counter though. Unless I drank that too when I wasn't looking," he mumbled to himself.

"Draco! Draco!" Hermione snapped at him.

"Yes? Would you like me to get it? Sure no problem hun, any day!" He was avoiding the questions he knew she was going to ask and she knew it as well.

Draco stumbled over to the counter and tripped over a bar stool and lay sprawled on the floor.

"Never mind then, I think I'm quite comfy right here. Who ever woulda thought the floor could be so comfortable? Why do we even have beds? O yes, so the girls have he headboard to hold on to." Draco rambled on and it was getting harder and harder for Hermione to understand him.

"DRACO WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME ABOUT YOUR MOTHER!"

"On about that again eh? Well, you see she is not the most sociable person, I didn't expect her to invite you to tea or actually involve you in any of her evil scheme thingies take over the world yadda yadda yadda crap."

"Yes, well apparently she wants Ginny and me to be Queens of an all woman lesbian world with only you for sexual release."

Draco stood there dumbstruck for a minute in complete shock.

"You said yes didn't you! Didn't you!" He ran over and begged on his knees, "Please say yes, please say yes!"

"Draco! They expect me to share you with Ginny!"

"PLEASE SAY YES!"

"DRACO! Seriously, can't you imagine how terrible a world with only females would be? You'd have PMSing women all over the place, and even grumpier women because they aren't getting laid! Men even out things. You need SOME testosterone in the world to even out the estrogen. Plus, they want to kill Harry! My dad is male, he'd be eliminated. Dean, Seamus, Fred, George, Bill, Charlie, Mr.Weasly, Hagrid, Flitwick, and a million other good people would be killed if they went through with their plan. I'm sure Ginny will agree with me, after all she still has five brothers and a Dad to think about."

Draco sat back on his haunches thinking it all through. What had seemed like a good idea now seemed, frightening to say the least. It was bad enough when one girl was pissy, never mind about three billion.

"Look Draco, I'm sure Ginny will come here soon and we'll both agree. The only problem is we need to figure out what to do about Narcissa and Drea. Even if we don't agree to the Plan, I'm sure they will kill Harry just to make a point that two chicks could do it and numerous powerful wizards couldn't. Until Ginny comes however, I want to get hammered out of my face so I don't have to wonder if I'm making the wrong decision. After all, every girl wants to be treated like a Princess."

She went behind the counter and pulled out a twixer of vodka.

"_Soberus!_" she waved her wand at him.

"Aw! What did you do that for? I had a great buzz going on there," Draco complained.

"It's time to whip out the drinking games and I was just evening the score." She said to the now sober Draco.

He grinned at her, "Oh bring it on baby!"

* * *

About an hour later Ginny stepped through the fireplace into Hermione's living room and was shocked by the mess. There was stuff scattered all over the place: hula hoops, poker chips, cards dice, TiddlyWinks, a million shot glasses, sex dice, monopoly, Guess Who, and a million other items that had no discernible use. At the moment Hermione had a shot glass between her boobs and was trying to take a shot while Draco egged her on. They were both covered in whipped cream, as was much of the furniture.

"What the hell happened here? Did a drunken tornado hit or something. Honestly, you two, you are like teenagers, I can't leave you alone for an hour!" Ginny reprimanded them.

"Oh Ginny, Ginny, Ginny! Have a shot! Did you know I really love you? Remember that okay! I love everyone. I love whipped cream, I love BOOZE!" Hermione said, tripping over her words as well as her feet and giggling madly.

"You're a bad influence you know that?" glared Ginny in Draco's direction. He didn't seem to hear her however, because he was glaring very intently at the bottle in his hand.

"_Soberus! Soberus!_" Ginny madly waved her wand at both of them.

"Wow, becoming sober by magic is worse than a hangover, it's such a let down," whined Hermione as she plunked down on a whipped cream covered couch.

"Look Hermione, we've got to talk about the Plan-"

"I know I know," Hermione cut off Ginny, "we'll just have to think of a way to get Harry back and put Narcissa and Drea in some magical nuthouse."

"No Hermione, that's just it! I WANT to go on with the Plan. It's brilliant! Drea, oh my gosh, it was AMAZING!"

"So you banged my cousin to eh? She gets around that one," Draco commented.

"No, she didn't sleep with Harry, that was all a ruse. She would never touch a man. Anyways, that's not the point. Hermione, this can work! I am fine with girls except for the occasional threesome or whatever."

"I'd just like to say I fully support this plan," Draco jumped in.

"Oh shutup Draco. Ginny, listen to yourself! What about Harry or your brothers or your Dad!" Hermione shouted, scandalized.

"Drea said my brothers could live as sex slaves for other dissatisfied women, which I'm sure they won't object to. My dad is old anyways so it will be okay. And Harry, Harry is man filth. Look what he did to us, both of us. He ditched me for you, then treated you like shit. How could you still care for him Hermione?" Ginny pleaded desperately with Hermione.

Quietly Hermione answered, "Because no matter what, I know Ron would still want to save him."

* * *

A/N: Dum dum dummmm! Will Ginny finally agree with Hermione after she pulled the brother card on her? Next chapter is either them making a desperate and daring attempt to save Harry and to lock up Narcissa and Drea, OR, they will go with the Plan. Which will it be? I'm taking votes. Tell me which scenario you want.

Much Love,

CiCi


	19. Three Conditions

Disclaimer: Not mine...except the plot…and Drea…and the booze.

A/N: Thanks to my…THREE reviewers. I'm a little disappointed by the lack of reviews considering the amount of people reading, but hey what can I do. Anyways, the main consensus seems to be you want them to be evil. And if you don't that's your own fault for not reviewing lol. So, anyways, on with the show.

**Chapter 19 – Three Conditions**

"Hermione, do you remember what Ron was like? You honestly think after all Harry has done Ron would forgive him that easily? You two made each other jealous over nothing for practically a year! You attacked him with birds! He holds grudges Hermione. He would know that Harry is not the Harry we all used to love anymore." Ginny struggled to find the words to show Hermione how right the Plan would be.

"I don't know Ginny…it's just too much to take in right now. Plus, I'm sitting in whipped cream which is going to look very nasty when I stand up. Look, if I promise to think about it will you stop bugging me? I just want to forget about it for a while, hence the getting hammered out of my face. Why are you so obstinate about this Plan anyways?" Hermione asked, stalling for time.

"I want to be a freaking Queen! Don't you? We could rule! We could do everything we've always wanted to. You could do your elf rights thingy, and help out whoever you want! We could have control. Voldemort wanted to destroy. That was the problem. We can build a strong feminine society without men stupidity. We can travel the world, torture men, see the sights, kick short people, whatever we want!" Ginny rambled on with the same glaze expression Drea and Narcissa had had on their faces, as though they were seeing into a perfect future.

"Kick short people? What the hell?"

"Oh I don't know, it just came out. That's not the point anyways! Unless you are into that sort of stuff of course…" she trailed off as Hermione started to turn red, "What's wrong 'Mione?" Ginny asked desperately.

"HAHAHAHA!" Hermione exploded with laughter, "You are too cute when you rant. Honestly, I've never seen you so excited about something. There must have been multiple orgasms going on with Drea over there," Hermione teased.

"Oh in the double digits," Ginny giggled.

Ginny collapsed on the whipped cream covered sofa next to her and put her head in Hermione's lap.

" 'Mione, please just promise me you'll think about it, seriously though. Draco likes the plan too," she added looking over at the bug eyed Draco waiting for a response from Hermione.

"Yes, yes Draco likes Plan very very much!" Draco stammered.

"How articulate of you," drawled Hermione, " I'm so glad at least one of us is thinking straight." She sat back farther into the couch with a desperate look on her face.

"Fine, I'll accept on three conditions." Hermione stated.

Ginny and Draco looked up expectantly then looked at each other, expecting the worst from her conditions.

"First of all, we rule 50/50, we both have to agree to all decisions." Hermione said confidently, as Ginny was nodding her head in agreement. "Second, we find a way to save Harry if possible." Ginny nodded with more trepidation this time, she didn't really want to save Harry and she was afraid of what the third request could possibly be.

"And most importantly…" Hermione started slowly, as Draco and Ginny sat on the edge of their seats waiting tersely. "I want both of you…" she started again and sat mute for a minute.

"Yes, yes! What! Both of us to what!" Draco exploded when he couldn't take any more of the waiting.

"I want both of you to help peel me off of this couch because I think the whipped cream has congealed to my shirt." Hermione finished with a grin.

Ginny laughed and yanked Hermione to her feet.

"Oh yah, if I'm going to be a sexy Queen of Lesbians, I'm going to totally need a new wardrobe. I'm thinking leather!" The two girls collapsed into giggles back onto the sticky couch.

"Okay Mrs. Soon-to-be-Queens-of-the-Universe, what is your first deed as almost rulers?" Draco asked.

Ginny and Hermione looked at each other and grinned widely, "To fuck your brains out!" Hermione grinned and the two girls pounced.

* * *

TWO HOURS LATER

_They may be the Queens_, thought Draco, _but I most definitely come out on top, when they let me_. He laughed inwardly at his little joke. But really, he most definitely won in this situation.

* * *

Ginny and Hermione lay languishing on Hermione's bed, which had been bewitched to stretch to accommodate all three of them.

"So what are we going to do? I'm warming up to the plan more and more as I think about it, but Narcissa was a Death Eater! No offence Draco, but she's still apparently in the genocide state of mind. What do we do if it gets out of control? Plus, how are we going to save Harry? They will notice if he goes missing, and it won't exactly be easy for him to blend in in an all girl world. Plus, how exactly are the two of us supposed to rid the world of men? I think it would take a hell of a long time to kill off about three billion guys!" Hermione started fretting.

"Well, when me and Drea were relaxing she filled me in on more of the prophesy and how all of this is supposed to work, and I think if you are really adamant about this whole saving Harry thing, then I think, I have a plan…"

The three of them put their heads together and talked late into the night. It was about 3 am when they finally came up with a foolproof plan. But of course, when you think a plan is foolproof, it never really is…

* * *

A/N: Sorry for the short chapter, but the next chapter, the Plan and their foolproof plan gets put into action. There is plenty of twists and turns and you will never guess how it turns out…hehe. Please review!

Much Love,

CiCi


	20. Secrets and Shocks

Disclaimer: Not mine.

A/N: Okay, here comes the big stuff so fasten your seatbelts and hold on tight, we're going for a ride (get your mind out of the gutter) lol. Anyways, on with the show of course.

**Chapter 20 – Secrets and Shocks**

"I so did not sign up for this!" whined Hermione as she trudged through a bog trailing far behind Ginny who was plunging ahead full speed.

"I told you we had to get Joan of Arc's sword to complete the Ritual."

"Yes, well I imagined that as more of a traveling through beautiful castle ruins and solving riddles and magical puzzles like in first year of Hogwarts." Hermione grumbled.

"Well only we can find it and it wasn't kept in a castle since, you know, everyone thought she was off her rocker," Ginny muttered back.

"So how exactly do we find this sword? We just trudge through the sludge until one of us stubs our toe on it?" Hermione, sighed.

"No, of course not. She was brilliant, she wouldn't have just hidden it like that. It would be impossible for us to find it except for by sheer dumb luck. Plus, that would be way too simple, there must be some clue around here to point us to some dangerous quest." Ginny remarked ominously, "Help me look around, your not going to find it just stumbling arou-"

"OW! FUCK!" screeched Hermione midway through Ginny's tirade. She bent down and grappled around in the muck and pulled out a surprisingly clean sword.

"You were saying?" smirked Hermione.

Ginny mumbled something back that sounded similar to, " Go muck yourself futhermucker."

"Pardon? What was that? I couldn't hear you over the din of me tripping over the thing you said I wouldn't trip over." Hermione gloated.

"I would tackle you right now but if Draco ever saw or heard of this he'd be way too happy hearing that we were mud wrestling."

"Speaking of mud, I really hate it, so can we get out of here now that we have it? We still need to stop at Fred and George's."

"Yeh, I guess so. This was a completely useless mission if I do say so myself. It's too bad we're the only ones who can see or touch the sword or we could have sent someone else to trudge through this crap." Ginny complained.

* * *

The two girls Apparated to Diagon Alley and cleansed themselves with a quick charm. They headed off towards Fred and George's shop and stepped inside, trying not to bang into someone or one of the million popping, zipping, or beeping displays. The shop was growing immensely, and looked much like the Burrow because of all of the room additions.

"Fred!" called Ginny as she spotted a slice of bright red hair.

'Ginny! Hermione! Wow, great to see you! Any particular reason?" Fred asked nonchalantly.

"Yes actually, and it's important. Grab George, and meet us in the back room." Ginny dragged Hermione through the crowd towards the darker back room area.

"Ginny, are you sure this will work before we even bother trying? I mean won't Drea and Narcissa have thought of this before? I'm not so sure…" Hermione chewed on her bottom lip nervously.

"Look, you can't back out now, we've already told them we accept and they have Draco there. Whether or not it works we can try can't we? Now get a spine for goodness sakes!"

"Woah, harsh lil sis. What's the big rush?" George started as him and Fred walked in.

"First, we may sound totally crazy, but you have to believe us and trust us before you start flipping out."

"O great, what did you do?!" Fred accused Ginny.

"I didn't DO anything…much. Anyways, we need your help, and we need you to come with us. Now listen and don't interrupt. We need you to…"

The four of them split up shortly later and Hermione and Ginny ran over to Madam Malkin's.

"We need a robe A.S.A.P!" Hermione shrilled.

"Well, considering that is all I sell I would ask you to please be more specific," Madam Malkin huffed snootily.

"A very expensive and rare one. We will pay whatever you want we just need it," Ginny looked at her watch quickly, "in about an hour. Now listen closely, because if you make a mistake I will personally see to it that you become a human pin cushion."

* * *

Ginny and Hermione left the store quickly after giving their order and rushed back over to where Fred and George were waiting.

"Are you ready for this?" Hermione asked them all.

"As ready as we'll never be." The three Weasly's said in synchronicity.

Hermione rolled her eyes, "You don't even know how creepy that is do you?"

The four of them Apparated together, hoping that they weren't completely missing something.

Draco was lounging on a new sofa in a room in his mother's 'house'. He wasn't actually lounging, he actually wasn't relaxed at all. He was tense with waiting for the right moment to start his part. So far either Drea or Narcissa had been bothering him and talking to him since he arrived. The two of them were bustling about like giddy little school girls getting ready for the biggest dance of the year. They were setting up candles and incense and different gemstones around a pentagon painted on the floor with which Draco desperately hoped wasn't blood.

He gulped and turned away from the pentagon. It was absolutely vital that Drea and Narcissa get the spell and pentagon right, however the bloody lines and the disgusting odors emitting from burning alters made him want to gag.

"Amethysts, sulfur, rose quartz, graphite, and amber. What am I missing? Oh yes, jade!" Drea mumbled to herself absentmindedly. Spinning to face Draco she asked, "Drakie, can you watch Harry for about twenty minutes, I completely forgot to pick up jade slivers."

"Yeah sure," Draco said acting completely uninterested. Truthfully, his heart was beating a tattoo into his Adam's apple. This was exactly what he had been waiting for all day. "Where's mother?" he asked, stretching nonchalantly.

"She's out gathering yew and marrow shoots or something like that. Some funny sounding magical plants."

Inwardly Draco partied. It was finally happening. Drea stalked haughtily out of the room and Draco waited and listened carefully to make sure she was actually gone. Quickly, he jumped off of the couch and spun to face Harry who was sitting blankly on a chair by the fire.

"_Finite Incantantum_!" Draco shot the spell at Harry.

"What the hell?" Harry looked around to gather himself, " Oh man, I'm so in big trouble!" he groaned, rubbing his temples with his palms.

"Yeh tell me about it." Draco commented, "Now shut up, and listen up. We have a plan, but there is too much to get wrong for you to only half listen."

Ginny, Hermione, Fred, and George, all Apparated to the shack in the woods. They walked in carefully looking around then headed to the far room.

"Draco! Harry! You're alone?" Hermione ran up to both of them.

"Yes, now we only have about ten minutes now, so Ginny, take him and do what you have to do." Draco said quickly.

Ginny and Harry ran out to Apparate away.

"Okay, I owled Bill, Charlie, and Percy, they should be here soon, I told them it was an emergency." Fred started, "Are you sure this is going to work though because they will flip if anything happens to Harry."

"Well…we think so…because anyone in the pentagram with male parts will survive, so-"

Ginny started but was interrupted by Narcissa.

"You two must be Weasly's, but where is Harry?"

"That's what we were just talking about mother, I went out to meet them and when I came back he was gone." Draco answered sullenly.

"Hmm…well, no matter, if he's not in the pentagram he will die anyways, I had just hoped that I could watch. Anyways, the sun is starting to set; it won't be too long now, so if you expect your brothers to live I'd suggest you find them. Fast." With that, Narcissa turned on her heel and left the room depositing a bunch of branches into the pentagram first.

"Wow, that was great Draco. Do you think that she believed it?" Hermione asked anxiously.

"Of course she didn't she's a paranoid bitch but it doesn't matter there's nothing she can do."

Draco paced back and forth as if reassuring himself.

"We'll go wait for our brothers." Fred said quietly, sensing the tension emanating from them both. Hermione nodded absentmindedly and took up pacing with Draco.

* * *

A couple of hours later there was a meeting going on in the living room. Draco, Hermione, Fred, George, Bill, Charlie, and Percy were discussing the imminent problems.

"Where the hell is Ginny, if she's not back soon, they will start suspecting something." Hermione paced agitatedly around the room.

Draco pulled her down onto his lap, "Don't worry, they already suspect something. But, the problem with their plan is them giving you complete powers. They can't do anything. We've thought of everything. Stop pacing, the floor seems to need repair and you're going to make yourself fall through the floor."

Hermione just sighed and relaxed into his arms, pissed off and worried. At that moment there was a 'pop' and Ginny appeared panting in the center of the room. There was another 'pop' but there was no one else there.

"I'm sorry I'm late guys. It was much harder than we thought. She's a tough bugger." Ginny grumbled to herself.

Narcissa strode into the room haughtily with Drea trailing behind her.

'It is time."

"Wow, trying to sound ominous much?" Draco quipped.

"No back talk mister, I brought you into this world, I can take you out just as quickly!" Narcissa snapped back with a glare.

Draco just huffed mightily and stood up, practically dumping Hermione on her ass.

"Okay, let's just get on with this, all guys in the creepy shape on the floor thingy." Draco stepped into the pentagon and stood looking haughty with his arms crossed.

The other boys followed suit more slowly and entered the pentagon with trepidation. Narcissa and Drea added some more items to piles of crap that had been collecting around the edges since dawn.

"Is all of that really necessary?" Ginny asked, looking at the piles of rocks and leaves and incense.

"No, it's just for decoration," Narcissa rolled her eyes, "of course it's necessary you dimwit, do you think I'd spend my day crawling around finding branches to make the room look spiffy? I don't think so."

"Woah menopause much?!" hissed Ginny to Hermione.

"BELLLLAAAAA!!!" screeched Narcissa loudly.

With a pop Bellatrix Lestrange Apparated into the room, "Yes, Cissy?" she asked coldly.

"We are ready now. The Potter boy is missing but no matter, he will die anyways." Narcissa sneered.

"Every boy who doesn't want to die a painful death step into the pentagram," Drea ordered bossily.

The complied of course, and Drea started hefting a large book from off the shelf. Narcissa's eyes were darting around the room. A fairly loud squeak from the floorboards came from just outside the pentagram.

"Avada Kedavra!" yelled Narcissa.

A flash of green light emanated from her wand and something fell with a thunk to the floor.

Ginny and Hermione shrieked and all of the boys gasped. Hermione threw herself on Draco sobbing.

Narcissa walked over to the empty area and ripped off an invisibility cloak. There lay Harry, his eyes blank and mouth open in shock. Dead.

* * *

A/N: I know it's been a while in updating I'm so sorry, unavoidable circumstances, plus I thought all my work was deleted and I couldn't stand to rewrite it all. Anyways, I hope you like this little twist. :D

Much Love,

CiCi


	21. The End of Boys

Disclaimer: J.K.'s not mine, though I wish it were mine, because I'd be in the Bahamas sipping on a mixed drink super rich.

A/N: How come no one reviews?! People read all 20 chapters I'd presume they like it yet they don't say anything. cries Anyways, how did everyone like that surprise? Well I got some more coming so get used to it lol. Have funnnn!

**Chapter 21- The End of Boys**

Narcissa spun on the group wand held aloft, "You think you could pull one over on me eh? Well I was in this business before you kiddies were born, so don't bother. Thankfully, for you, I was expecting this and will forget this ever happened, as long as this ceremony continues without any other glitches."

Hermione resurfaced from Draco's chest with surprisingly dry eyes, "Well let's get this show on the road then."

Ginny grabbed the huge book from Drea and flipped it open. The boys congregated closer to the center of the pentagram looking nervous. Narcissa kicked Harry's body over to the corner as Hermione and Ginny centered themselves at the point of the pentagram.

In synchronicity the two girls started, "By the Power of the Queens of Old we call upon you and claim our omniscient powers." The continued with chant and a harsh wind started whipping around the room.

Drea pushed her hair out of her face frustrated, "Damn wind, I'll have to do my hair all over again."

"Ditto!" grumbled Draco.

"Did you just say 'ditto'?" asked Fred aghast.

"Yeh Draco that's soooo out now." George added.

"Shutup or I'll push you out of that pentagram and out the window!" hissed Narcissa.

Draco rolled his eyes and Fred and George snickered.

Half an hour later the boys were all sitting down looking extremely bored and Narcissa was tapping her foot impatiently.

"Could you two read any slower?!" Nacrissa hissed through clenched teeth at Hermione and Ginny.

"Well the talking at the same time is harder than it looks!" Ginny snapped back and Hermione just glared.

"Yeh, I thought this process would be snappier and be more impressive. Except for the wind stirring up dust and making me sneeze it's been dull," Percy added.

"Wow! You know it's dull when Percy says so. Maybe you could spice it up with a light show or some conga dancing," George suggested.

Narcissa glared, but obviously couldn't dispute the fact.

"Okay, one last line and it will be done, so just shush!" Hermione commanded leaning over the book.

Ginny and Hermione chanted, "Nunquam perficio orbis terrarum ero insquequo totus men es absentis quod regina iunctum."

Everyone just looked at each other waiting….waiting…waiting…

"Hmm, well that was exciting. Did it work?" asked Fred.

"I don't know," mused Narcissa, "we really should have brought a guy to see if he keeled over. Well, you guys are supposed to have infinite powers now, so try Seeing in one of the crystals."

Hermione shrugged and grabbed an amethyst from off of the floor. She screwed up her eyes weirdly making her looking like a schizophrenic crack addict. George snickered and Hermione glared at him. She relaxed more and looked at the crystal. An image of downtown London appeared and men were collapsed all over the place with some women shrieking and some women dancing and laughing.

"It worked!!!" Narcissa shrieked with glee and started dancing around with Drea singing 'It's Not Raining Men'.

Bellatrix stood there glaring at them. "Bella, what's wrong, all of our hard work has paid off!" Narcissa grinned.

"Well, my problem is that it has almost been an hour and this body is very uncomfortable and ugly." Bella snarled.

"W-what!? Who are you!?" Narcissa screamed in fear.

A/N: OO who is it? If it's a mystery to you then you haven't been reading lol. Anyways, I know this was a very short chapter, but this story should be finished in a couple of chapters, 2-3 at the most, so thanks to all you readers it's been fun!

Much Love,

CiCi


	22. Epilogue

Disclaimer: I sadly, own nothing but my own weirdo personal ideas about how the books should go.

A/N: Okay, well nothing in this story went anyway that I was expecting it to, and I'm kind of disappointed in it. I might delete it altogether after this because it kind of annoys me. I really don't know what I should do. Anyways, I've started a new story but the beginning is not quite right to me either so I might just start all over again. Anyways, this is the epilogue. I hope you've enjoyed it at least, I'm fairly self critical I guess. On with the show and thanks reviewers, please everyone review, give me a last smile or giggle or whatever. I love everyone who has read, and especially those that reviewed. Muah!

**Chapter 22 – Epilogue**

_4 Years Later_

Hermione sat with her feet up on the table reading a letter with a big grin on her face. It was from Fred and George and it was very amusing. They completely enjoyed being part of the small group of men left on the planet, they were getting attention from girls who would never have given them a second glance in their lives. So much for that 'not if you were the last man on earth' bull.

They were not only running their joke shops, they were also running an upscale hotel, which seemed to be bringing in mostly customers for them. According to them, they 'don't have enough time in the day for everyone' and 'we're getting more exercise in an hour than we used to in a year'. She laughed and looked over into the corner where they had sent her a huge gift basket as thanks. It contained all kinds of joke objects and some rather naughty things they had sent for her and Draco.

Every once in a while Hermione felt bad for what she had done, and all of the couples she had annihilated, but just looking at the newfound joy all of her friends had discovered was enough to make her feel that it was worth it. She glanced at the mantel place where a card from Ginny was resting. Drea and Ginny were now residing in Hawaii and running the place, that is when they weren't busy doing…other things…They had found it was a great place to drink and a wonderful place to meet new, young, tanned girls. Hermione shook her head in disbelief, whatever had happened to her innocent redheaded friend.

Harry, of course had been the one in disguise as Bella, and he still seemed to be in shock about the attention he got. He had always gotten plenty of attention, being who he was, but now he couldn't walk the streets without being flocked by girls, or randomly jumped on, not to say that he didn't enjoy it. He still stayed in contact with the Weaslys and would go to see them whenever he needed less estrogen in his life.

Hermione thought about her last visit with Harry and how unburdened he seemed now. It was as though he never really felt like all of the evil plots were over until then. He had stopped drinking and they were on fairly amicable terms now, not that she would ever get back together with him.

And Draco, ahh yes Draco. He was perfect. She looked at her watch lazily; he should be home soon actually. She sat up with effort and started to make some sandwiches for lunch.

She heard the door open and close "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" A voice shrieked and a little boy careened into her. Draco followed closely behind.

"Mommy, we got ice cream, and went to the park, and I saw a puppy mommy!" The little boy chattered away to her as Draco leaned over to give her a kiss.

"You shouldn't be up and about you know," he murmured and rubbed her extra large stomach affectionately.

"Yes, well they are both kicking like mad, either they are doing the Irish river dance or I'm hungry." Hermione grinned at him and motioned towards the sandwiches she was making while the little boy chattered at her still, not noticing that neither of them were really paying all that much attention.

The little boy ran around the room, zooming like a broomstick, on quite the sugar high.

The two parents finally looked at him as Draco draped his arm over her shoulder. Hermione looked at her child with care. Noah. He was their Noah. He was the one to rescue them all, little did he know he would be part of the resurrection of the world. She smiled and leaned against Draco's shoulder. Who would ever have known any of this would happen.

The End

A/N: Not me for sure, I didn't anticipate this at all. Everyone, let me know what you think, it's been great.

Much Love,

CiCi


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